Smokin' in the Boys Room
by betterleftblank
Summary: A/U high school Spashley - the story is better than this description :)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I have 17 chapters of this story written so far as I participated in NaNoWriMo - however I still need to go through and do some editing but hopefully updates should be coming at least once a week, maybe twice. I hope you enjoy this new story of mine.**

**If you can read/review that would be awesome :)**

Chapter 1

Spencer Carlin groaned when she heard her alarm clock go off. She was having the best dream from which she did not want to wake up. And to top it all off, she couldn't find the snooze button, probably because her eyes remained closed. Instead of opening them, she whipped the alarm clock across the room and breathed a sigh of relief when it stopped buzzing.

To say she wasn't a morning person would be a very big understatement.

She rolled around on her bed to get comfortable again. Spencer was more than eager to get back to what she was doing to the naked girl in her dream. That was a much better idea than waking up to get ready for school. It was the first day. What could she possibly miss by not going?

But just as Spencer was about to fall asleep again, something hard and heavy hit her head.

"Get up, you slacker."

"Oh, go fuck yourself," Spencer barked at her best friend. Why did she keep getting interrupted at the worst possible moment? "I'm sleeping. Go away."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're adorable when you're grouchy?" Sean replied, sitting down on the bed and ignoring his friend's wishes. "Come on, Spencey, it's time to get up." He tussled the blonde's hair and laughed when she rolled him off the bed.

"You're an asshole," an annoyed Spencer mumbled as she sat up. Her hair was all over the place and her eyes were still shut.

"I'm an asshole who's also your ride to school," Sean countered once he was on his feet. "Now, get your lazy self up, go take a shower and, if I'm nice enough, I'll still be here when you're done."

Spencer flopped backwards like she hadn't heard a word Sean had said. "Stop thinking of me in the shower, you perv."

"How the hell do you walk around with an ego as big as yours?" Sean asked rhetorically. "Besides, it's the start of senior year, you should be happy as a clam."

"Happy as a clam?" Spencer repeated in amazement. "Remind me again why I'm friends with someone as lame as you?"

"Because," Sean started before he turned the tables around and pushed the blonde out of her own bed. "I'm the only person who can put up with your bullshit. Consider yourself lucky."

Spencer stood up in order to growl at Sean. She punched him hard in the arm before turning around and heading to the shower like he wanted her to. That wasn't the only thing she was going to do to get him back for not letting her stay in bed all day. But for now, it would have to do.

Once she got the water to the perfect temperature, Spencer stepped inside the shower. She let the almost scolding hot water wake her up in the way that her alarm clock and Sean hadn't been able to.

For all her angry words and general crankiness, she really was grateful that Sean had come by to take her to school. As much as she was looking forward to her last year at King High, it was with a heavy heart that she was getting ready to say goodbye.

There was a reason she and Sean got along like brother and sister. They had both been very close to her actual brother Clay before he had been shot at the end of their freshman year. Clay was adopted, but because they were the same age the two of them would go around calling themselves twins. It became a running family joke.

Spencer was absolutely devastated by what happened to Clay. She was inconsolable for the first month after he was gone. Sean was one who eventually got through to her. They were bonded together by their shared grief. When she couldn't sleep, she'd call Sean. The first time Spencer came home to find her dad passed out on the couch and her mom gone, she called Sean. When her parents divorce was finalized and she needed to get out of the house, she called Sean. On the first anniversary of Clay's death, when Spencer couldn't get out of bed, she called Sean. Spencer had no idea what she'd do without him.

It's not that she didn't get along with Glen, her other brother, but he dealt with things by ignoring them and pretending everything was OK. He was a star basketball player, with a very active social life and he didn't want to spend his time with his sister being miserable all the time. The more their parents fought, the more Glen stayed away. Spencer couldn't do that. She saw the toll everything was taking on her father and when their mother left, she felt like she had to take care of him.

It didn't help that while all of this was going on, Spencer was dealing with a secret that she hadn't told anyone in her family. Everyone seemed to be so caught up in their own stuff that no one saw what the blonde was going through. It was Sean who finally realized what was going on. He was the first person that Spencer officially came out to. He made some crude joke about it, because he knew that was exactly the type of reaction his friend needed. And when her mom told her that she would never accept her "life style choice", he was right there for her to cry to.

When Spencer started to get picked on for being gay, Glen wasn't the one who defended her. He cared too much about his reputation and his place in the social hierarchy at school. Sean was the one who made sure that it didn't get out of hand. Today, she didn't care about what people thought of her and could take care of herself. But there was a stretch of time there that without Sean around, Spencer didn't know if she would have survived.

It was a little scary to think of what would happen when they both graduated, but Spencer wasn't too worried. She knew that no matter what, she could always rely on Sean. That was not something she could say about anyone else in her life, especially her family.

Glen had left that summer to go to college so it was just Spencer and her dad at home. He could barely take care of himself, let alone her. Her mother made almost no effort when it came to the blonde. Not that Spencer wanted a relationship with a woman that had abandoned her own family. On the rare occasion when her mom did come by, she would hand Spencer brochures on how to find Jesus and save her soul. Spencer would make a joke about not knowing that Jesus was lost and the two women would end up in a screaming match that ended with Paula storming out.

Spencer stepped out the shower cleaner, but still in a bad mood. She hated the moments where she couldn't shut off her emotions and forget everything that had happened to her and to her family. She had grown up the model of stability and unconditional love. Now she lived in dysfunction and chaos.

"You better have your eyes closed," she announced before she opened her bedroom door. As much as she hated it, this was her life and she couldn't do anything to change things. "I'm not here for your sexual amusement."

"Gross," Sean replied ignoring his friend's request. "I have better things to do than look at your body."

Spencer laughed as she walked around to find something to wear. She wasn't actually self-conscious in front of Sean. "Oh, please, have ever actually seen a girl naked?"

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," Sean said while trying to act offended. "Just because I can keep it my pants doesn't mean that I haven't had the opportunity to appreciate the female form."

"God, you are such a nerd. I can't believe I'm your friend," Spencer teased. She was going through her clothes but nothing seemed to be clean. She would have to do laundry later. "Don't be jealous because all the ladies love me and ignore you."

"I prefer to think of myself as the perfect wingman," Sean had his eyes on Spencer's TV while she got dressed. He really didn't have any desire to see the blonde naked. There had been a time when he had liked her more than a friend. It was easy to fall for Spencer. They spent all their time together and he shared things with her that he hadn't with anyone else. Even before Spencer came out he knew that she would never look at him in any way other than a friend. Sean had made his peace with that. Besides, now she was like a sister to him so it would be wrong to check her out. "You're welcome by the way."

"Like I need your help," Spencer remarked once she had finally found something half way decent to put on. "I'm ready, loser, let's go."

"Always the sweet talker," Sean teased after he turned the TV off.

"Did my dad let you in the house this morning?" Spencer asked casually as she got the last of her stuff together.

Sean knew exactly what she was asking and he couldn't lie to her. On the other hand he did want to soften the blow a little. He shook his head. "Didn't want to wake anyone up, so I just used my key."

Spencer tried to smile but there really was no point. She thought with time she'd get used to how things had ended up, but that wasn't the case at all. She appreciated that Sean was telling her truth even if it hurt. She sighed but didn't say anything. What was the point? They both knew what she was thinking anyway.

"If Clay was here, you know he'd be yelling at me for taking too long," Spencer said quietly right before they headed out of her room. "He was annoying like that."

Sean smiled. It wasn't too often now that Spencer brought Clay's name up. "He'd be telling me to leave without you even though he wouldn't mean it." He pulled the blonde into him and squeezed her shoulder. Then he kissed the top of her head. "I can yell at you if you want. You know, to make you feel better."

"I'm good thanks." She could feel herself getting a little choked up. While she appreciated Sean's attempt to keep her from feeling overwhelmed, a change in topic was needed. "Now let's get the hell out of here because the sooner we get to school, the sooner I can be done with this day."

"You're the boss," Sean replied once he let his friend go. "But if you think for a minute I'm going to let you pick the music in my car you're sadly mistaken." He took off down the stairs before Spencer could react.

"Hey!" she called out and then she started chasing Sean. "Who helped you put in that stereo? Ingrate!"

When Spencer reached the bottom of the stairs she had Sean in her sights. Unfortunately, something else caught her attention and that was enough for her mood to darken again.

Her dad was passed out on the couch with an empty whisky bottle on the table beside him. There was a photo album beside the bottle that Spencer knew was filled with family pictures. He would look at those pictures over and over again. Often talking about "the good old days." Spencer hated when he did that. It never did any good. Clay was dead and their family was not going to go back to what it used to be.

That wasn't possible.

Sean stayed back and let Spencer survey the situation. He'd made the mistake of trying to help before and that had not gone over well. He knew that the blonde acted like it didn't bother her, even to him, because she thought it was easier than facing how fucked up things were. It was the only way she could get through moments like this.

Spencer dropped her bag so she could clean up a little. She got rid of the empty bottle, straightened the albums up and then covered her dad with a nearby blanket it.

On the first day of school, it used to be a Carlin family tradition to take a picture with all the kids. Each one of them would groan and protest, but it was no use. Her dad would be the one shooting the picture and her mom would be the one making sure that everyone looked their best. As much as she used to claim to hate those pictures, Spencer would have given just about anything to be taking one of them right then.

Instead, she headed out the door without a look back at her sleeping father. Her jaw was clenched to prevent herself from starting to cry. That was the last thing she needed to do today. She threw her bag in Sean's car and kept her head down; her silence spoke volumes.

Why did her life have to suck so much?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks to all of you who read and reviewed chapter 1 - I really appreciate it :) Here's the next update, hope you enjoy! **

Chapter 2

After an uneventful morning, Spencer was lying on the grass with her head on her bag listening to music. She had no desire to spend her lunch period paying attention to everyone around her gushing about their summer and whatever other banal things they discussed. If she was lucky, she'd fall asleep and miss her afternoon classes.

Her music was loud and her eyes closed. Perhaps if she'd been paying more attention she'd see the turkey sandwich that was about to hit her. "Ow!" she exclaimed when said sandwich connected with her forehead. Her eyes flew open and she found a smirking Sean looking down on her.

"Incoming," he said before laughing hysterically.

Spencer pulled her headphones out of her ears, the look on her face was not the face of someone who was amused. "That's the second time you've hit my head today. What the fuck did you do that for?"

"Because it was funny," Sean explained like she was stupid for asking the question. "And you're welcome by the way."

"Bite me," Spencer fired back.

Sean took a seat beside his friend, ignoring the dirty look she was giving him. The two of them only had one class together and that was at the end of the day. He was glad they could at least spend their lunch time with each other.

Even though Spencer wasn't that hungry, she took the food that Sean offered her. She knew if she didn't, he'd be asking all sorts of questions about why she wasn't eating. Annoying as he could be, it was nice having someone looking out for her.

"You break any hearts this morning?" Sean asked between taking bites of his lunch.

Spencer chuckled, "Oh, you know it. How else am I going to pass the time in this hell hole?" She took a sip of water, "You think this is the year you finally get some?"

Sean rolled his eyes, he was used to the teasing he received from the blonde. "I already deal with one unbalanced girl, why would I be looking to add to my already full time job of looking after your sorry ass?"

Spencer slugged Sean in the shoulder for that remark. "You're lucky I'm feeling generous because the next time you make a comment like that, I'll make sure to leave a mark."

"Like I'm scared of you!" Sean exclaimed in disbelief.

"You should be." Spencer tried to give her friend a menacing look but they both ended up laughing.

"I still can't believe they let freaks like you come back year after year," an unfriendly and unwelcome voice chimed in.

Spencer and Sean both stopped laughing. They looked up to see a group of three girls standing above them with sneers on their faces. Well, to be fair, it really was only the person that made that comment who was sporting an ugly expression. Of the other two, one seemed to be amused and the other seemed to want to be anywhere else right then.

"Good afternoon, Madison," Spencer exclaimed with false cheeriness once she had sprung to her feet. "Look what the ugly train dragged in."

Sean also stood up, but he didn't say anything. He knew that his friend could more than take care of herself. That didn't mean he wasn't going to be ready in case he was needed.

Madison did not appear to have heard the insult that the blonde had hurled at her. "Don't get too close, I wouldn't want you to try and hit on me. Forget about how wrong your 'lifestyle' is, I don't want to catch the many diseases you probably have."

Spencer was horrified. "Please don't flatter yourself, you disgusting piece of trash. If there was a choice between sleeping with you and having to die a horrible death, well at least I wouldn't have to live my life knowing I touched someone like you."

Madison wasn't about to be spoken to like that, especially from a person who she considered beneath her in every way. "And tell me, who would show up to your funeral? Besides your little lackey here?" She pointed to Sean. "Nobody would even care if you were dead."

"Aw," Spencer made sure that every word she spoke was dripping with as much sarcasm as possible. "Is that your way of telling me you're secretly in love with me, Mads? Because, like I said, you and me are never going to happen."

Getting snarky remarks and being told she was a total nothing was something Spencer frequently heard from Madison. The comments had started here and there freshman year, but they weren't too bad at first. Then, the fact that Spencer was into girls became public knowledge and, for whatever reason, Madison latched onto that news and it had been nonstop harassment since. Even after Clay had been killed, Madison hadn't really let up all that much.

It was hard, at first, for Spencer to deal with the onslaught of comments and the isolation of being the school freak. The friends that she had made were scared to be associated with her because they didn't want to get picked on too. The turmoil she faced at home in her sophomore year made her withdraw anyway, so she didn't miss not having a social life. By the time last year rolled around, she relished the times that Madison picked on her. She appreciated the opportunity to get her anger out about everything that happened to her and her family on someone who absolutely deserved it.

Madison was a moron, so getting in a verbal sparring match with her was a piece of cake for Spencer. Although not one to apply herself at school because she couldn't care to, she could overmatch Madison in a battle of jabs and insults any day.

There were moments where Spencer wished she wasn't the one that everyone ignored all of the time. She had her lonely moments. But didn't every teenager? Besides, according to the blonde, everyone at her school was superficial and caught up in problems that weren't real problems at all.

At least she had Sean, so it wasn't like she was all alone. He had actually been fairly popular at King High until he started hanging out with the blonde. But making a choice between being friends with Spencer and losing his social status wasn't even a choice at all. And the two of them had been inseparable ever since.

"Don't make me vomit," Madison sneered in disgust. "I would never touch a sexual deviant like yourself. I can't even stand to look at you."

"And yet you sought me out," Spencer replied, her tone icy cold. "Why are you so obsessed with me, Mads? You know, we often hate what we are. So—"

"Shut your fucking mouth!" Madison snapped. "How dare you speak to me like that!" She couldn't stand when Spencer got the better of her. "I'm warning you."

"You're warning me of what?" Spencer asked clearly amused. This was turning out to be a bright spot for her in an otherwise mundane first day of school. "Who's going to stop me? Your mindless minions?" She pointed to the two girls standing on other side of Madison. "Please, you three are about as scary as a _pussy_ cat." The blonde watched in delight when Madison's eyes bulged out of her head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't say the word _pussy_ around you. We both know how much you like that."

Madison was beyond pissed off. She had come over to remind Spencer what a loser she was. Not to get humiliated. "At least I have a family who loves me." That's the thing about picking on somebody for so long, you learn a lot about them. "A family that isn't messed up like yours is."

"Go fuck yourself!" Spencer shouted angrily. Madison was crossing a line that she should have been smart enough not to cross.

"Oh, touched a nerve, did I?" Madison asked smugly. She felt back in control of the situation. "What are you going to do? Run to mommy? Too bad she left when she found out what her daughter was."

Spencer was seeing red. "If you say one more word, I swear—"

"My bad," Madison held up her hands in mock surrender. "Was that in poor taste? Maybe your daddy can be of assistance. Well, we all know he's generally in no condition to be of help to you."

"Madison!" One of the girls who was standing by the gloating girl exclaimed in horror. She wanted no part of this whatsoever.

"Mind your own fucking business!" Spencer barked at her. She then turned to Madison, the vein on the side of her head looked ready to burst. "If you say one more word to me I will mangle your face so nobody recognizes you. Granted, that be an improvement, but I still suggest you move your fat ass long so it doesn't have to come to that."

Madison was never one to do what she was told. Especially when she was having so much fun. "Maybe your broth—"

She couldn't get the rest of her insult out because Spencer lunged at her.

Lucky for Madison, Sean had no desire to see his friend get in trouble so early in the school year. If it was up to him, he'd let the blonde do what she wanted to Madison, but that girl was not worth the trouble. He grabbed Spencer before she could land one punch.

Madison laughed as she watched Spencer struggle against the hold Sean had on her. Today was going to be a good day after all. "Until next time, Spencer. Hopefully by then you'll have learned to mind your manners."

Spencer continued to try and break free from Sean, but he was much stronger than she was. It wasn't until Madison was out of sight that he let her go. "What the hell, Sean?" Spencer asked after she had whirled around to face her friend. "You should have let me punch that smirk right off her vile face."

"I was only trying to help," Sean pleaded. He hadn't seen Spencer this upset in a very long time. "You know what would have happened. You would have been the one to get in trouble, not her and it only would have made thing worse."

"I don't care!" Spencer yelled. She was so mad she wasn't thinking rationally. "Do you understand that? I don't fucking care. After what she said, she absolutely deserved for me to pound the shit out of her."

Sean hated to see Spencer this out of control. It scared him more than he would ever tell the blonde. "Just calm down, OK. I'm sorry."

Spencer wasn't in the mood to hear any excuse from Sean. Not when she was still so enraged. She hated Madison, but she hated it more when Madison got under her skin. She bent down to get her stuff; she needed to be on her own. "Whatever, I'll see you later."

Sean watched helplessly as Spencer took off for god knows where. He hoped what happened at lunch wasn't an omen for what the rest of the year was going to be like.

"Well that was fun," Madison said gleefully when she was sure that Spencer wasn't coming after her.

Sherry, one of her closest friends, laughed. "You're so bad, Madison, I love it."

However, the other girl who had been there to witness the exchange between Madison and Spencer wasn't amused at all. In fact, she felt sick to her stomach.

"What's your problem, Ashley?" Madison asked when she noticed the frown on the brunette's face. "Don't tell me you feel sorry for that piece of trash?"

"It's not that." Ashley hated that she couldn't stand up to Madison. So often she would have it on the tip of her tongue to tell her friend what a bitch she was. There were many times that Ashley couldn't figure out why she hung out with someone as vile as Madison could be. But she'd long ago made the choice between being right and being popular. There was no turning back now.

Madison wasn't going to let this go, "Then what is it?"

"I just remembered that I have to head straight home after school," she lied. "My mom wants to me to go shopping with her."

"Well that's too bad, you know cheerleading tryouts start today. As my second in command you have to be there. Tell your mom that you can't make it," Madison ordered. She wasn't going to let anything or anyone ruin her senior year.

"Sure, Mads, no problem," Ashley replied, happy that she had gotten away with the story she made up.

Madison put her arms around the shoulders of her two closest friends. "We are going to own this school. And anyone who stands in our way is going to fucking regret it."

Ashley smiled brightly, but inside her stomach sank. She had a bad feeling about what that meant.

She saw Spencer storm past the three of them without saying a word or acknowledging their existence. Ashley was happy that Madison was too busy checking herself out in a compact mirror to notice.

Ashley watched her former best friend until she could no longer see her.

She didn't think it was possible to hate herself any more than she did already.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - I'm glad you guys are enjoying this story! It really means a lot when you let me know that. Here's the next update for you all.**

**Thanks for being awesome readers :) **

Chapter 3

Once Spencer had calmed down, she texted Sean to say she was sorry for biting his head off. As pissed off as she was, she knew he was only looking out for her. It didn't change how much she wished she'd had the chance to rearrange Madison's face, but deep down Spencer was happy that she hadn't given Madison the satisfaction of getting into trouble because of her. That didn't mean the blonde was going to let her get away with what she'd said. No, Spencer would just have to work on a long-term plan to get back at Madison.

Thankfully Sean was as forgiving as he was generous, so it didn't take him long at all to accept Spencer's apology. Soon enough they were back to exchanging messages during class to help with their first day boredom. If Spencer didn't have last period with Sean, she would have cut out early.

She was definitely done with today.

The blonde groaned when she walked into Home Ec to find Madison grinning at her. When Spencer was sure the teacher wasn't looking, she flipped Madison off and then took a seat at the back of the class. She didn't even acknowledge Ashley, who was sitting on the other side of Madison. Those days were over.

Spencer took out a notebook out of her bag so it looked like she was getting ready to pay attention. Instead, she was trying to figure out a way to fall asleep with her eyes open. She would have pretended to be sick so she could go to the nurse if it wouldn't cause Madison to think she was leaving because of her.

Ashley was trying to follow a conversation that Madison was having with her, but her mind kept wandering over to Spencer. It wasn't the first time that the blonde had made it difficult for Ashley to concentrate on anything, but today was different for some reason.

"Why are you spacing out, Davies?" Madison asked, annoyed. She was used to commanding the attention of anyone she wanted it from.

"Huh?" Ashley had no idea what was going on.

Madison turned to find out what was taking her friend's attention from what she was saying. When she saw the reason for her acting like a space cadet, her demeanor changed. "You two are so cute."

"Huh?" Ashley repeated, still clueless. She picked a hint of bitterness in Madison's tone, but couldn't figure out why. She really had to get it together.

"Hey, babe," Aiden called out as he strolled into the room.

From her chair, Spencer rolled her eyes. She tried not to pay attention, but it was hard when Aiden talked like the loud buffoon that he was. He walked over to his girlfriend's desk and gave Ashley a disgustingly sloppy kiss on the mouth.

Spencer was going to puke.

"Hey, Aiden," Ashley replied, somewhat embarrassed. She liked kissing Aiden just fine but she was not really one for public displays of affection.

"Are you blushing?" Madison was just as disgusted by that kiss as Spencer was. They would not be happy to hear they had something in common.

"Shut up!" Ashley whispered so Aiden couldn't hear her. There was always this weird tension when she was around Madison and Aiden. The three of them got along just fine, but there was an undercurrent of awkwardness. Ashley suspected it had something to do with Madison being jealous. That was not an idea she would ever bring up to her friend. Luckily Aiden was too busy talking to one of his jock friends to notice anything going on.

"Whatever," Madison replied already bored with the conversation.

Soon enough the teacher started talking. She introduced herself and Spencer took that as her cue to stop listening.

She already knew this was going to class she was going to dread going to the most.

Oh well, she thought to herself, how bad could things possibly get?

* * *

"That was the longest day ever," Spencer groaned after she had gotten in Sean's car. She was exhausted and aggravated by what had happened at lunch. She knew better than to let Madison get the better of her. "You are in so much trouble for making me go to school today."

"I'll pay you back by being your chauffer," Sean deadpanned. His day had been OK, with the exception of watching his friend have to suffer the indignity of talking to Madison.

Spencer put her sunglasses on, "Let's get going, Jeeves. Tut, tut, I have many social engagements and other things that rich people to do on my schedule."

Sean shook his head, but he did laugh. "Jeeves is the name of a butler, not a chauffer, you moron."

"Please, I don't have time for petty details like that," Spencer moved her hand around. "You may drive me now."

Their banter continued on the way home. Spencer rebuffed Sean's offer to go to his house before he dropped her off. He knew his parents wouldn't mind if she came over for dinner. But as much as Spencer was dreading seeing the condition her dad was in, she had to make sure he was OK. With a wave and a promise to text him later, Spencer got out his car and made the long walk up to her front door.

It was often in moments like this one where she'd find herself thinking of happier times. She used to love rushing through the front door after school knowing that either her mom or dad would be home with a snack and eager to find out her day was. She'd race Clay to see who could reach home first, with him more often than not letting his sister win. Then when the two of them were done rambling about their day and eating, they'd head upstairs to either start homework or play video games together. Spencer didn't mind that when she entered high school her brother was her best friend.

That wasn't always the case. She was close with Clay for as long as the blonde could remember. In fact, she had a hard time recalling when he wasn't a member of the family. But it wasn't until Spencer's social life took a huge hit that she got to spend so much time with Clay. Glen was never around and didn't share any of the same interests that Clay and Spencer shared. Plus, he was really popular and often seemed to care more about his friends than his family.

Maybe it wasn't fair to say that about Glen, but Spencer couldn't help but hold a grudge against him. He always seemed to ignore situations when the blonde could have used his help. Not to mention, when their family was falling apart, he would often give Spencer a hard time about being gay. It damaged their relationship to this day.

When Spencer opened her front door, she held her breath not sure what she would find. If it was a good day, her dad would have cleaned up and gone to work. If it was a bad day, he'd be drunk out of his mind. She hated those days. It wasn't that he was violent towards her when he was drinking. Spencer could take care of herself. It was more how emotional and messy he would get. It was hard being the only one in the house to deal with him when he was like that.

It also left a lot of responsibility for taking care of the house to Spencer. She loved her dad a lot, but at times she hated him very much. It's not like there was any alternative. Even if Spencer's mom offered her a place to stay, she'd rather be on the street than in the same house with that woman.

So, she accepted that things were not going to change any time soon. There were still moments and days when it was too much for the blonde. When that happened, it was easier to shut down her emotions than face what she couldn't deal with it.

It was how she coped.

When she got inside, Spencer was happy to see that her dad was not at home. It allowed her to have some peace and quiet while she dealt with the household chores that she had to do. There was laundry, dishes to clean and dinner to make.

"I live a glamorous life," Spencer said to herself before she started getting busy.

* * *

Her school year might have started out ominously, but a few weeks in and things had been relatively quiet for Spencer. Madison had mostly left her alone – not that she didn't relish the opportunity to tell her off the next time she dared speak to her – and things with her dad were surprisingly drama free. He seemed to be controlling his drinking a little more. Not that it was anything the two of them discussed. Class and teachers were lame because of course they were. Other than that, things weren't half bad.

Spencer had recently begun to think about getting a part-time job. She wanted to have the chance for some independence so she didn't have to rely on her dad for money. The problem was, she didn't have a car, and asking Sean to drive her to her job all the time wasn't an option. She was sure he would probably do it, but Spencer wasn't going to ask him to do that.

She was so lost in her thoughts about how to earn some extra cash that she didn't realize her teacher was making an announcement. It wasn't until the chatter of her classmates got loud enough that the Spencer decided she better find out what was going on.

"Will you please calm down?" Ms. Devereux requested impatiently. She was excited for everyone to hear her idea for the great project she'd come up with over the summer. It was her first year teaching and she was anxious to find out the student's reaction. "I'll go over all the details with you."

Spencer looked around the classroom. She was amazed that anyone cared enough to get worked up over a school assignment. Her eyes briefly connected with Ashley's, but Spencer shot the brunette a dirty look before she fixed her attention elsewhere.

"As I was saying," Ms. Devereux said once the class was silent again. "This project will account for 60% of your final mark," she paused for dramatic effect, "and I will be assigning you the partner that you will be working with." The collective groan that the students let out at that news was not enough to dull her enthusiasm. "This is going to be so much fun!"

Spencer listened with minimal interest as her teacher described what they would be working on. The idea of being fake married to someone in her class sounded like some kind of lame social experiment. Didn't anyone have any ideas of their own anymore? She wasn't too bothered though. Spencer would use her charm to make the guy she was partnered do all the work.

And if that didn't work, she would have to think of another way to get him to cooperate.

Ms. Devereux was talking so fast she hardly had the chance to breathe. She was sure that this idea of hers was going to have a deep and meaningful impact on her students. Failing that, at least it would give them some things to think about. "Now, because of the changing landscape in society, I have decided that there will be five couples matched up of the same sex." She didn't add that there was also an issue of an odd number of students along gender lines. Instead of making one couple that was two girls, she decided to add a few more so they wouldn't be the only ones.

Spencer laughed, maybe she had underestimated her teacher. This was surely going to cause an uproar of epic proportions among some of her peers.

On cue, Madison decided that she was going to have her opinion heard. "I refuse to be part of something that promotes deviant behavior." She said sternly. "This is unacceptable."

Ms. Devereux was not going to be intimidated by the likes of Madison Duarte. She would keep the fact that her one leg was shaking behind her desk to herself. "I won't tolerate hateful words like that in my classroom, Madison," she replied with authority. "You're free to leave any time but it's too late to drop this class and you will need the credit to graduate."

Madison was not one to be threatened. "I bet you this is her idea." She pointed right at Spencer and the whole class turned their attention to her. "She probably started some kind of online petition or something."

"You flatter me," Spencer replied before the teacher could respond. "But I warn you, if you try and do anything funny to me, I'll sic the gay mafia on you. They are not a forgiving bunch."

Everyone in the room went back to looking at Madison to see how she'd react to Spencer's comment.

"You hear that?" Madison shrieked like a crazy person. "She threatened me! You all heard that, right? You're going down, Spencer."

"If it's a good date, of course I would," Spencer smirked at a confused looking Madison.

The class erupted in laughter, which only enraged Madison further.

"That's enough!" Ms. Devereux shouted. She waited for everyone to stop making so much noise before she continued. "This is your last warning, Madison. One more outburst like that and it's the principal's office for you."

Madison slunk back in her seat, but not before giving Spencer a look that said: "This isn't over."

Spencer responded by waving back with a big smile.

"That bitch is going to pay," Madison muttered quietly, but loud enough for Ashley to hear.

Ashley did not like the sound of that. But there was nothing she could do except hope that Madison would forget whatever dumb vendetta she had against Spencer.

Ms. Devereux started to announce the partners to get things started. "Madison Duarte," there was a hushed sense of anticipation when Madison's name was called, "and Aiden Dennison."

Madison had gone from enraged to elated in a matter of seconds. Only good things could come out of spending time with one of the cutest boys in school.

"Don't worry, Ash," she flashed her friend an overly friendly smile, "I'll take good care of your man."

Ashley wasn't quite sure how to respond. There was something very insincere about Madison right then but she was sure that it was all in her head. Besides, she'd been with Aiden for two years. What did she have to worry about? Aiden started to play along, too, and that only made her more apprehensive.

Spencer felt almost happy. There was clearly going to be trouble in the world of the popular kids and she couldn't see wait to see it play out.

Her good mood was shattered moments later, when the next partner group was announced.

"Spencer Carlin and Ashley Davies," Ms. Devereux said, much to the horror of two very shell shocked people.

There was no way this was going to end well.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N There is some issue with formatting on this update for some reason. The scene separator will look a bit different. I tried to figure it out but nearly punched my computer in the process so I decided to just let it be :)**

**Thanks as always for your support on my stories, it's awesome. Shorter chapter so I hope to have another one ready for you midweek. **

Chapter 4

Spencer's mouth hung open. There was no way she heard what she thought she heard. At least, that's what she tried to convince herself of. Spencer didn't think the fates could be that cruel.

Ashley was in just as much shock as the blonde. She had no idea how to react. A part of her was dreading the situation. Awkward wouldn't even cover what working with Spencer was going to be like. But there was another part of her that was secretly happy. It's not something she would ever admit to anyone, most of all herself.

"You're screwed, chica," Madison said with more glee than Ashley would have liked. She was laughing and so were her other friends who were sitting by them, including Aiden. "If I were you, I'd take an F and save yourself the embarrassment of working with that loser."

Like so many times when Madison slammed Spencer, Ashley wanted to tell her to shut the hell up. She wanted to scream that Spencer wasn't a loser or someone who deserved to be treated like she was nothing. But she didn't speak up. Ashley bit her tongue instead.

"Fat fucking chance!" Spencer exclaimed when she was finally able to react. She was boiling mad. "There is no way that's going to happen."

Ms. Devereux was caught off guard. Both by Spencer's reaction and the fact that it had come at her once she was done reading all the group names. "Watch your language, Spencer."

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" She asked. "Tell me this is some kind of sick fucking joke."

"One more outburst like that and you can go to the principal's office," Ms. Devereux warned. Although she had come to like Spencer in the short time she had been in her class, she wasn't going to let the blonde walk all over her. "Now, as I was saying—"

"Fuck this," Spencer replied, not caring about anything other than getting the hell away from school, Ashley and anything else that was likely to make her mad. She picked up her stuff and stormed out of the classroom.

She was so done with everything.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

"Where the hell were you and why haven't been you answering any of my messages?" Sean asked after he had burst into Spencer's bedroom.

The blonde didn't answer her friend. Her eyes were focused on the video game she'd been playing since she got home. It was the only thing that allowed her to stop thinking about the absolutely awful luck she apparently had. She had to come up with a way to avoid working with her Ashley. That was the only solution to her problem.

Somehow, though, Spencer knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

She might have loathed Madison, but Ashley was something else entirely. At least Madison had never been her friend, never pretended to be there for her, never let her down. And, most of all, Madison had never betrayed her like Ashley had.

Spencer still couldn't believe what had happened. She alternated to between rage and disbelief.

"Hello!" Sean called out. When he was ignored again, he stood in front of the TV. "What is wrong with you?"

"You better move," Spencer warned through gritted teeth. She paused her game but did not look up. There was nothing to talk about and nothing to discuss.

She had left school as soon as she had stormed out of class. Her dad had been home when she arrived but Spencer had mumbled some excuse for why she was back early before she took off for her room. There had been a time where he would have followed her to find out what was wrong. Those days were long gone.

Sean knelt down in front of Spencer; he was really concerned. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Spencer replied stubbornly.

"You know I'm not going to give up, so you might as well tell me," Sean countered.

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No!" It wasn't until Spencer looked at Sean that she realized her pride and embarrassment for how she had acted would have to be put aside. She already worried Sean enough as it was. "Fine! But you have to promise not to laugh at me." Once he had given the blonde his word, she started talking again. "You know how I was convinced that taking Home Ec was going to be an easy A for me?" Sean nodded, his mouth remained shut though. "Well that was the stupidest idea I've ever had. We have to work with someone in our class – someone my stupid teacher paired us up with – and pretend to be married for the semester."

"And you got some jock guy you can't stand?" Sean asked. It was the only thing that made sense to him.

"Worse," Spence groaned, she still couldn't believe how unlucky she was. "I got paired up with Ashley."

"Davies?" It was a reflexed response. "Your partner is a girl?"

Spencer covered her face with her hands, "Yes, you Neanderthal! Don't you know what year it is?"

"Uh, of course," Sean said, still a bit confused, "I just didn't realize your class was so progressive."

"Neither did I!" Spencer exclaimed, her face still buried.

Hesitant to aggravate his friend further, Sean continued to question her. "But what does that have to do with you cutting math? Or why you've been ignoring my texts? And why you're acting weird now?"

"Are you really that dense, Columbo?" Spencer wasn't trying to be rude. Sometimes her mouth just had a mind of its own. "You think I want to spend my time pretending to be married to Ashley? That shallow, selfish, stuck up, never-thinks-of-anybody-else-but-herself bitch?"

Sean knew that Spencer had been close with Ashley before, but he didn't know the circumstances that led them to stop being friends. He had his suspicions. But knowing it was a touchy for Spencer, he had never questioned her about it.

"I swore a couple of times at the teacher when I found out," Spencer admitted begrudgingly. She wanted to be doing anything right now other than talking about her joke of a life. "Instead of sticking around, I took off. Is that OK with you, mom?"

Sean took a seat beside his friend. He was trying to figure out the best way to respond. "If you're going to be mopey and grumpy all the time, you're doing it wrong."

Spencer whipped her head in Sean's direction. "Excuse me? What?"

"I'm just saying, if you're trying to pull off the 'woe is me, nobody gets me' angle, you need to have a better hobby than playing video games." Sean was fighting the urge to smile. "I mean, you're a tortured soul in high school, right? You should be writing poetry or playing the guitar or painting. That's much better than what you're doing."

"Are you kidding me?" Spencer couldn't believe that Sean was finding anything about her situation funny. "You're making jokes now?

Sean messed up the blonde's hair, much to her annoyance. "Well, it could have been worse—"

"How could it have been worse?" Spencer cut in, angrily.

"You could have been paired with Madison," Sean replied before cracking up laughing.

Spencer glared at him, her jaw set and her eyes blazing. But as heated as she was, it wasn't long though before her mouth was twitching just a little bit.

"You really do the overdramatic teenage girl thing well," Sean remarked incredibly pleased with himself, "but I think tomorrow you should dress all in black for dramatic effect."

Spencer shoved Sean so hard he toppled over. "You're a first-class douche bag, you know that?"

"Come on, Spence, it's not like it's the end of the world," Sean said after he'd sat back up.

"Ugh, I know," Spencer admitted, her cheeks burned a little with embarrassment. After she'd stopped being angry with her teacher, she realized she was most angry with herself. She wasn't supposed to care about anything to do with Ashley anymore. That Spencer belonged in the past. "I'm a moron."

"You're not a moron," Sean said reassuringly. "A little brooding and over emotional, sure, but not a moron."

"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better," Spencer replied sarcastically.

Sean grinned, "Glad to be of service. Now, if you're done freaking out, let's go get something to eat. Worrying about you has made me very hungry."

"You're paying," Spencer told him before turning off her game. She felt a little better about things but she was still dreading school tomorrow.

Having to speak to Ashley was not something she was looking forward to.

And that was putting it mildly.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Spencer had already apologized to Ms. Devereux before class began. She had found her teacher over lunch and put on quite a performance. The blonde claimed stress and a bad situation at home as the reasons behind her outburst. Not all lies, mind you. With a promise to be on her best behavior, Ms. Devereux accepted Spencer's apology, but did warn her that if anything like that happened again, she would have to face some consequences.

"Still got it," Spencer said happily to herself once she was out of the teacher's ear shot.

Her good mood lasted through the remainder of the day.

Then it was time for Home Ec and that good mood faded. Back was the anxiety and nervousness. Spencer's stomach did a double clench as she walked inside the room that she had fled from the day before. She wasn't going to let anyone see her sweat, though. Changing the expression on her face to one of smug indifference, the blonde was ready to face her one-time friend.

When Spencer stepped inside the classroom she was annoyed to see someone in her seat. Before she could kick the ass of the person who had taken it, she took another look around. When she realized that people were already sitting with their partners it made her instantly want to leave again.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Madison sneered when she spotted Spencer at the back of the room. She couldn't believe her good fortune. Not only was she really enjoying the fact that she'd get Aiden alone because of the change in seating arrangements, but now it was time to see her nemesis squirm. "You done throwing a hissy fit, or do you need another time out?"

"Tell me, Madison," Spencer started with an air of confidence in her voice. She had spotted the back of Ashley's head near the front, so even though it pained her greatly, she was going to go and sit beside her. She made sure to stroll casually by Madison on her way to her destination. "Have they figured out what to do with all the spare hair that grows on your face? Or are you planning to donate it to bald men who need a realistic looking toupee?"

The class tittered at the blonde's remark and she instantly felt better. Without looking at Ashley, she sat down and ignored her racing heartbeat.

"Glad to see you back, Spencer," Ms. Devereux said before things got out of control.

"Happy to be back, Ms. Devereux."

Madison growled when Spencer glanced her way to blow her a kiss. It took Aiden telling a joke to make her forget all about something horrible to say to the blonde, although the likelihood of that lasting was not very high.

Ashley snuck a peak at Spencer while trying to pretend she wasn't doing exactly that. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this close to Spencer. The last twenty-four hours had been a roller coaster of emotions for her as well. She alternated between hoping that Spencer would remain her partner to wishing that she would be assigned to work with someone else.

It didn't help matters that she'd been taking a lot of ribbing, mostly because of Madison, from her friends about having to work with Spencer. Ashley had shrugged off the remarks even though they stung a little.

Ashley jumped and let out a yelp when Spencer's head swung in her direction.

Her eyes cold, Spencer kept her voice low and her tone forceful. "Don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't breathe in my direction and don't you dare think that I care anything about having to work with you." She was gripping the pen in her hand very tightly. "If you even so much as sneeze in my direction, you and I are going to have a problem. Understand?"

Ashley nodded quickly while keeping her mouth shut. She hoped she didn't appear too terrified.

Well, things were off to a great start, weren't they?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N A new update as promised :)**

**I haven't had a chance to respond to the comments for the last chapter, but I promise to have that done either tonight or tomorrow. The next chapter will be posted this weekend. **

**Thanks as always for your support of my story. **

Chapter 5

"Can you stop breathing so loud?" Spencer whispered tersely to Ashley. She made sure to keep her voice quiet so the teacher couldn't hear but loud enough for the brunette to realize how annoying she was being.

Ashley was taken aback by the request, more so because Spencer was actually talking to her. So far the other girl had refused to make eye contact or acknowledge Ashley's existence after she had barked those orders to her at the beginning of class. They were supposed to be listening to Ms. Devereux explain the concept of the project and what was expected of them. The brunette was too distracted by Spencer's presence to really pay attention. It had been a very long time since she'd been so close to the person she had at one time considered her best friend.

"And I can feel you staring at me, so cut that out!" Spencer was failing miserably at acting cool and distant. She didn't care though. It felt good to be telling Ashley off.

Ashley's eyes immediately went to her notebook. She started writing down notes in hopes that it would keep her from looking at Spencer too much. After about ten minutes she decided to see what Madison and Aiden were up to. A quick glance was all that was needed to see what she had suspected would be going on. Madison was smiling and looking at Aiden like a meal while her boyfriend seemed to be eating up the attention. Ashley was ticked off, but not because she was jealous. It just confirmed her suspicions that Madison could not be trusted. Although, if she was honest, she wasn't surprised by that.

They shared an uneasy alliance that often felt like too much work to maintain. There were many days in which Ashley would sit and wonder how she ended up friends with someone she fundamentally did not like as a person. The brunette knew the answer to that question, even if she didn't want to admit it to herself.

It all came down to fear.

When it had come down to doing the right thing or doing the thing that would be easy in the short term, Ashley had chosen badly. What she had done ended up hurting Spencer more than she even knew.

And she hated herself for it.

At first she'd been able to ignore the overwhelming guilt she felt. Then it had started to slowly gnaw away at every part of her life. Most days, Ashley just accepted it as part of what she had to live with. But there were other days when that just wasn't possible. Nobody knew the turmoil that the brunette dealt with.

From the outside, Ashley had everything anyone could want in life. She was popular, a cheerleader, had a boyfriend that was well liked by most people, she lived in a big house and money wasn't any issue for her. But when that thin layer of superficial things was pulled back, there was another picture underneath. Most of the time, the brunette felt incredibly isolated and alone.

Ashley wasn't the only one who noticed how cozy Madison and Aiden were acting. Spencer heard Madison laughing obnoxiously, which drew her attention away from Ashley. She wondered what the brunette thought about how her boyfriend and current bestie were acting towards each other. They had only been partners one day after all. Then Spencer had to remind herself that she didn't care a thing about Ashley or her life.

Nope, Spencer didn't care at all.

Not one little itty bit.

"So, I'd like you and your partner to take the rest of the class to discuss future career aspirations," Ms. Devereux announced after she'd been talking for about twenty minutes. "Then you can both research what you can expect salary-wise from the careers you've chosen. Make sure to bring that information to our next class."

Ashley was wary enough of Spencer that she decided to stay silent. It was the best choice, she surmised, to avoid having her head bitten off.

Spencer rolled her eyes when she noticed that the brunette was looking anywhere but at her. Who did she think she was? "Too good to talk to me?"

"Huh? What?" Ashley whipped her head in Spencer's direction, confused. "You told me—"

"I know what I told you," Spencer cut in. Her tone was condescending and unfriendly. "But we do have to work on this together, right? Or is working with me going to somehow affect your status as queen bee here?"

Ashley had no clue how to handle the blonde's inconsistent requests of her. Was she to talk? Was she to leave Spencer alone? It seemed like no matter which course of action Ashley decided to take, it was the wrong one.

"Hello!" Spencer said, impatiently. She couldn't understand why Ashley was acting so weird. Fine, she thought when the brunette didn't respond to her, it's not like she cared. "I want to be a garbage collector, do you have a problem with that?"

"You what?" Ashley furrowed her brow. Was this conversation actually taking place?

"A garbage collector," Spencer repeated slowly. "Do you have a problem with that? It's an honest day's work, you know? Or is that a job that's not good enough for you?"

"You want to be a garbage collector?" Ashley repeated, dumbfounded. She was more confused than ever. "Since when have you wanted to be a garbage collector? You always wanted—"

"Don't presume you know anything about me," Spencer bellowed at the other girl. She was not going to make anything easy for Ashley. In fact, she was kind of looking forward to being as difficult as she could with the other girl. It wasn't like she didn't deserve it. "I'm telling you that's what I want to do as a job. Let me ask you again, do you have a problem with that?"

Ashley wasn't sure what was going on, but she was smart enough to know that she should probably just let things be for the time being. There was no point in challenging Spencer or trying to figure out what she was thinking. "No, I don't have a problem with that." She wrote down Spencer's answer in her notebook.

Spencer leaned back in her chair, the expression on her face quite superior. "What's your future career going to be? Star of _The Real Housewives of Orange County?_ Socialite? What great, amazing, world-changing goals do you have?"

Ashley tried not to be stung by the harshness of Spencer's words. She knew she deserved them, but it still hurt. "Uh, I don't know yet."

"You don't know? How is that even possible? Too busy with boys, parties and cheerleading?"

"How are things coming along?" Ms. Devereux asked before Ashley had a chance to respond. She'd been walking around to the class to step in if needed. "You two OK?"

Spencer grinned wider than most people ever should. "Oh, we're fine thanks. Just discussing Ashley's future. It's riveting."

Ms. Devereux shot Ashley a curious look; something didn't seem right.

The brunette nodded in agreement, not willing to cause a scene or a problem. Once the teacher was gone she let out a sigh, "Fine, you want my answer?" It probably hurt the most that Spencer wouldn't acknowledge what she already knew. It was a discussion they'd often had when they were younger. The brunette's answer hadn't changed, even if she had.

"I asked the question, didn't I?"

Ashley wondered how she would survive a semester with Spencer biting her head off at every turn. "I want to be a song writer."

"Oh, right, a song writer," Spencer replied, her sarcasm ever present. "That doesn't sound like a very lucrative career to me. Isn't that usually something reserved for people who have insight and life experiences. I mean, what are you going to write about, your nail breaking?"

Ashley just sat there without responding. There was a lump forming in her throat that she tried to ignore. She couldn't break down—not here and not in front of Spencer.

"Oh, I have the title of your first song for you," the blonde continued, pausing for a second to relish in her own brilliance, "_My Life is Perfect and Everyone Else Should Be Jealous of Me_." The laughter that Spencer released made Ashley's face burn with embarrassment and a bit of anger. "Oh, even better, _I'm Shallow and Vapid, Don't You Wish You Were Just Like Me_?" Spencer waited for some kind of response from Ashley. She didn't care what kind, she just wanted some kind of acknowledgement. When nothing came, that only made her more determined to get a rise out of the girl sitting next to her. "What's the matter, Ashley, don't you have anything to say to me?"

"No, I don't," Ashley replied, her voice trembling.

"You're not any fun at all," Spencer said, annoyed.

Ashley was mercifully saved by the bell. She didn't know how much longer she could have sat there without breaking down. Without a word, she gathered up her things, avoiding all eye contact with Spencer. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought it would be.

"Bye, wifey," Spencer called out to Ashley's disappearing form. Man, she thought, this is going to be a lot more fun than she thought it would be.

* * *

By the time school had finished, Ashley had calmed down somewhat. That's not to say she wasn't still upset by Spencer's words and attitude towards her. Even though it upset her, she understood why the blonde was being so cruel.

She would have liked nothing more than to go home and forget all about the day. Unfortunately, she had cheerleading practice to attend. Madison did not tolerate unexplained absences for practice.

When Ashley entered the change room to put her uniform on, she found Madison and Sherry huddled together in a corner away from everyone else. They were clearly enjoying whatever conversation they were having. For reasons that she couldn't explain, Ashley was sure the two of them were talking about her. It was a conclusion reached without merit, but there was a pit in the brunette's stomach that wouldn't go away.

She made her way over to her friends, hoping that she was wrong. "Hey, guys." They both looked up right away, and the guilty expression on their faces confirmed her suspicions. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," Madison replied unconvincingly. Her smile was friendly, but there was something different in her eyes.

Ashley wanted to ask again what they were talking about, but she held her tongue. The last thing she wanted to do was to appear weak or needy in front of Madison. That would not be a good idea. She began to change into her clothes and ignored the sickening feeling that she could not shake.

"So," Madison drawled out once Ashley had changed, "how's married life treating you?"

"What?" Ashley watched as her friends collapsed into a fit of giggles. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't be such a sour puss," Madison said with a big smile on her face. "We're just teasing you a little. But, seriously, what is it like pretending to be Spencer's wife? Must be horrible."

"It's fine," Ashley lied. She wasn't going to give Madison the satisfaction of complaining about it. "It's only been one day, anyway."

Madison put her arm around Ashley's shoulder. "Girl, you're putting on a brave face, I get it. I mean, I'm lucky to get someone as great as Aiden as my partner." She was clearly enjoying the fact that she would get to spend so much time with Ashley's boyfriend. That much was clear. She had been bringing up his name every chance she could ever since yesterday. "You can tell me the truth, did Spencer hit on you all class? Is she trying to convert you to her perverted life style?"

"I said it's fine!" Ashley exclaimed, angrily. There were so many things pissing her off about what Madison was doing.

"OK, OK, geez, relax." Madison tried to appear contrite, but wasn't doing a good job of it. "You really need to get laid or something. You're so high strung."

"Fuck off, Madison," Ashley snapped before storming out of the locker room. She didn't even care about the repercussions of her words. She had to hold her feelings in when it came to Spencer's verbal tirade against her, so she wasn't able to do that right then.

Instead of being mad, Madison watched Ashley leave, clearly amused. There was so much going right in her life, it felt almost too good to be true.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Here's another update for you guys. I appreciate your thoughts on both Spencer's and Ashley's actions. It's always interesting for me to hear other people's points of view on the way the characters are acting. So thanks :)**

**If I get the chance, there will be another update ready to go on Christmas Day. Reading and reviewing makes me do this :) **

Chapter 6

Over the next couple of weeks Spencer and Ashley had fallen into a sort of pattern.

Spencer would be as rude and sarcastic to Ashley as much as possible. In turn, Ashley bit her tongue without responding to the many attacks launched at her.

And that was making Spencer mad.

She wanted to get a rise out of Ashley more than anything, even though she couldn't care less about the brunette, or so she said. The fact that her comments were met with indifference was not acceptable.

She clearly had to up her game.

Ashley was taking calming breaths as she waited for Spencer to arrive. This was the first time they were working on their project outside of class. Whenever she had to go to Home Ec or even think about working with Spencer, she was overcome with anxiety. It had been a horrible two weeks, and she was reaching a breaking point. She was constantly on edge around the blonde. Plus, the verbal barbs that Spencer launched at her had been progressively harder to take.

At first Ashley had brushed them off, but it was getting more difficult to do as time wore on. It wasn't just dealing with Spencer that had Ashley bothered. Madison was giving her just as hard a time. She was constantly making comments, not just about her partner situation, but also about how amazing it was to work so closely with Aiden. It wasn't that Ashley was jealous. What bothered her most was that Madison was taking such glee in her situation. And there wasn't really anyone that Ashley could talk to about what was going. Couple that with her mom being a nightmare at home and it led to one very unhappy girl.

"Sorry I'm late," Spencer said when she arrived at the library, not sounding sorry at all. "I got a little distracted with, you know, other pressing matters." It didn't take a genius to figure out what the blonde was implying. "Of course, you know, I take my marriage seriously so there's nothing for you to worry about."

"Why would I even care about that?" Ashley asked coldly. Because she didn't care. She didn't care one little bit if Spencer was seeing someone. Why would it bother her? They weren't friends, they were barely talking to one another and she had a boyfriend. "We're here to work, not to talk about your love life."

Spencer laughed smugly. "I never said you did care. I just wanted to apologize for being so thoughtless and rude as to let a pretty girl be the reason for me being so inconsiderate."

Ashley's blood was boiling. Why did it seem like lately everyone was doing their very best to get under her skin. It was infuriating. "Are you quite done yet? I don't have much time and we have stuff to do."

"Oops, my bad, I forgot about how much my 'lifestyle' is offensive to you," Spencer said, ignoring Ashley's plea for them to focus on what they needed to get done. "This project must be so hard on you and your _morality_."

"Look, I get that you're angry with—"

"I'm not angry with you, Ashley," Spencer cut in. "I couldn't care less about anything to you do, actually. I was merely surmising that seeing as you have a problem with people who are gay, this project would be hard on you"

Ashley's hand was clenched into a fist. It was getting hard not to lose control. "I don't have any kind of issue—"

"Let me save you the trouble of denying your homophobia."

"I'm not homophobic!" Ashley yelled.

Just then, the school's librarian came around the corner to give both girls a very stern look. "Be quiet or you're going to have to leave."

"I don't understand why you're denying this," Spencer whispered when they were alone again. She was not going to drop anything. "We both know how you feel about us gays."

Ashley couldn't take it anymore. She'd had enough0. But she wasn't about to cause a scene either. So instead of giving Spencer what she wanted, she put her things in her school bag and left the library.

But Spencer wasn't going to let her go that easily. She followed the brunette out the door and down the deserted hallway. Most people had already left school for the day. "Truth hurts?"

"Leave me alone," Ashley replied as she continued to walk away.

"Oh, you know all about that, don't you?" Spencer fired back bitterly. After going years without talking or even so much as looking at Ashley, these were not things that could be held back.

Ashley stopped dead in her tracks before whirling around to face a very angry looking Spencer. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

Spencer leaned against a nearby locker, her smirk ever present. "Come on, _Ash_, let's not play any games right now. I'm merely stating facts and you're getting yourself all worked up over nothing."

"I am not getting worked up!" Ashley exclaimed furiously. She hated that Spencer was getting to her. She hated feeling so out of control. And most of all, she hated how hilarious the blonde found this situation.

She tried to walk away, but Spencer was too quick for her. She swiftly moved passed the brunette so she was blocking the exit. "Going somewhere? I don't think we're done here."

"Move!" Ashley ordered, fighting back tears.

"I guess you're not so tough without Madison here to do your dirty work," Spencer said. She was delighting in how upset Ashley looked. She couldn't believe she'd spent all this time ignoring the brunette's existence when she could have been having this much fun. "Guess you can dish things out, but can't take it."

"I said move," Ashley repeated, her voice cracking.

Although she felt a bit guilty about how she was behaving, Spencer refused to believe she was really doing anything wrong. It wasn't her fault that Ashley wouldn't ever own up to her own wrongdoing. But without really considering why, she stepped aside to let the brunette pass.

Ashley bolted from the hallway without looking back. She ran for her car and drove quickly all the way home, ignoring the plans she had to meet Madison at the mall. It wasn't until she was in the safety of her room that she allowed the tears she had been fighting back to fall.

* * *

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on her?" Sean commented the next day at lunch. He'd been listening to Spencer replay her conversation with Ashley.

Spencer looked at her friend in disbelief, "Uh, no. How can you ask that with all the shit I've had to take from her?"

"Well, in fairness, it's Madison that makes all the comments at you, not Ashley."

"Are you even being serious right now?" Spencer asked, hotly. Why on earth was Sean defending Ashley? "How can you even say that to me after everything I have to put up with?"

Sean didn't get a chance to defend himself, because they were interrupted by the arrival of Madison.

"Hello, Ellen."

"Really?" Spencer replied with an eye roll. "That's the best you can come up with? I mean it's the twenty-first century, Madison. Get some new material." She stood up so she was face to face with the other girl. "Of course that would require you to have functioning brain cells and we both know that isn't possible."

Madison gritted her teeth, "Whatever, Carlin."

"Ooh, good response." Spencer said sarcastically.

"Look, I have better things to do than waste my time speaking to trash like yourself," Madison replied. "I came here for a reason."

Spencer folded her arms across her chest, her eyes never leaving Madison's. "Do tell, I must know."

"It's about, Ashley," Madison gave Sean a look like he should leave, but he wasn't about to abandon his friend. "I don't know what you've done to her, but she's been acting weird the last few days and I want you to stop."

"Oh, I'm so touched," Spencer clutched her chest, "You care that much about Ashley that you've actually lowered yourself to my level and are speaking with me. It's almost enough to make me cry."

"I'm not joking around," Madison said. Although she was sort of there out of concern for Ashley, the visit was more about finding a reason to give Spencer a hard time.

"I can see you're very serious," Spencer responded. "Now turn yourself around and get back to whatever it is you do between animal sacrifices."

Madison took a few steps forward so she was right in front of the blonde. Nobody disrespected her.  
"Whatever made you sick in the head, I don't want you spreading that to my friends. You're lucky that anyone even tolerates your existence, let alone glorifies what you have chosen to do with your life."

From the quad, Ashley could see Madison and Spencer going at it, but she didn't have any idea why they were arguing. She had spent her lunch hour with her headphones on, ignoring everything else around her. Dread did not even cover what she was feeling about having to face Spencer today, but she was trying not to think about that too much. Unfortunately she wasn't able to really stop now that she saw what was happening.

"The day I give a fuck what you think, will be a cold day in hell." Spencer wasn't going to be pushed around.

Madison moved really close to the blonde. "You act all tough, but we both know the truth, don't we. I mean, if I had to walk around living your life, I'd probably have slit my wrists by now. You're a loser. Always have been, always will be."

Sean wanted to step in, but the last time he tried that, things didn't end well.

"Your mother can't stand you. Who could blame her, having such a disappointment for a kid." Madison was laughing, as was Sherry. "God knows what is wrong with your dad—"

"Shut up!" Spencer shouted. Madison was hitting way too close to home for her liking.

"I mean, everyone at the school, hates you," Madison continued, undeterred by the angry, almost violent expression on Spencer's face. "Actually, I'm wrong, you're too much of a nobody for anyone to hate you." She pointed her finger right at the blonde, "I don't care what you do with your own miserable existence, but if do anything to corrupt Ashley or try and convert her, you will regret it."

If it was anyone else saying this to her, Spencer would have laughed. She sounded like kind of wannabe mobster. But the blonde found nothing about the situation funny. She hated to think what Ashley was telling Madison about what they had been doing together, which wasn't even anything besides work. What kind of lies was she spreading? Not that it should have mattered because Ashley was nothing to her.

Absolutely nothing.

As much as Spencer had pushed Ashley to her breaking point over the last couple of weeks, the blonde had spent years being tormented by Madison. Sure, she mostly brushed it off and pretended like she wasn't bothered by such hateful words, but the fact that Ashley would tell Madison that Spencer was trying to turn her gay was painful.

Ashley had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she watched the scene between Madison and Spencer play out. She didn't need to be over there to know that whatever was going on was not good. She didn't understand why Madison found it necessary to harass Spencer as much as she did. Ashley hated when that happened. What she hated more was that she let it happen.

Sure, she wasn't the one saying the words to Spencer. But wasn't she complicit by never standing up and telling Madison to stop? Didn't that make her worse for it? Even with all the angry and hurtful things that Spencer had said to her over the last little while, she couldn't stand by now and keep quiet. She'd done enough of that already.

With a big sigh and butterflies in her stomach, she took her stuff and started to make her way over to a scene she wanted no part of.

"For someone who has a big mouth a lot, you're awfully quiet," Madison taunted the upset looking blonde. "Not so tough now, are you?"

Spencer opened her mouth to respond, but out of the corner of her eye she caught Ashley walking towards them. She couldn't handle that now. She just couldn't. So she took off.

With Madison's snickering laughter ringing in her ear.

Ashley stopped walking towards Madison when she saw what happened. She changed courses and decided to follow Spencer instead, but she was too late. She couldn't find where the blonde had gone, no matter how hard she tried.

When Spencer didn't show up for Home Ec, Ashley began to really worry. It wasn't the first time Spencer hadn't shown up to one of their shared classes, but it was the first time Ashley allowed herself to acknowledge the fact that cared. She knew she shouldn't; she knew she really had no right.

But she couldn't stop herself.

That's why instead of meeting Madison after school, she was driving to Spencer's house. It was a place she knew how to get to with her eyes closed. It was also a place she hadn't been to in years.

From the outside, it looked like the same place she'd spent countless hours at as a kid. Inside, though, she knew it couldn't be more different than she remembered. There were a lot of rumors she'd heard about Spencer since they had stopped being friends. But Ashley had ignored those rumors so that she could disregard the guilt she felt over what she had done.

Or what she hadn't done more specifically.

Her desire to fit in had outweighed her loyalty and promises that had been made. It shouldn't have been that way. But that didn't change the facts.

Ashley pulled into Spencer's driveway feeling more nervous than she could remember. This was a terrible idea, she told herself. And yet there she stood on the doorstep, having just rung the bell.

There was no going back on her decision now.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This is going to be a little long, so feel free to skip this author's note and get right to the update if you don't want to read.**

**My apologies for not posting yesterday. As you might have heard, Toronto was hit by a bad ice storm and I was without power for almost three days. I wasn't staying at home during that time so that's why this chapter is a day late.**

**Now, in regards to the last update: I guess I was wrong, not all reviews make my face do this :) **

**I want to extend a sincere thank you to all of you who took the time to let me know that even though things aren't happy right now, you still want me to continue with this story. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Whether one person or tons of people review any of my fics, my goal is always to try and write something that rings true - even with the parts that aren't light and fluffy.**

**I know that a lot of you are mad at Spencer (and me) for what is going on in the fic right now, but all I ask is that you trust where I'm going with this. I promise my goal is not to just write unhappy Spashley times for my own amusement. **

**I hope you all had a very happy holidays and there will be another update ready to go this weekend.**

Chapter 7

It wasn't Spencer who opened the door to greet Ashley. It was Arthur Carlin—a very drunk Arthur Carlin—who looked disheveled and like he hadn't shaved in days.

"Ashley, how are you?" he slurred. "It's been years!"

"Uh, hi, Mr. C.," Ashley replied in disbelief. She could not believe the man before her eyes was the same man she had at one time considered a second dad. She gladly would have taken him over her own dad, a man she hardly ever saw.

But that was then. Now he looked like a mess. A wasted mess.

In a flash, Spencer was standing in front of her dad. She'd heard the doorbell ring but had no plans to find out who was at the door. She was up in her room brooding and calling Madison every name in the book.

There had been a time when the blonde thought she wasn't capable of hating anyone.

How wrong she had been.

Hate was a word in her vocabulary now that was used on many different occasions: for Madison, for her mom, for the person who killed Clay and for many other people.

Her desire to stay locked in her room and avoid all human contact was all but forgotten when she heard her dad say Ashley's name. At first, Spencer thought it must be a drunken mistake by him. Then she had looked out the window and seen the brunette's car.

In a second, she was down the stairs to prevent her already horrible day from getting any worse.

Spencer shut the door behind her so it was just her and Ashley outside the house. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Everything happened so quickly that Ashley wasn't quite sure what to say or how to react. There were so many questions swirling around in her head it was making it hard for her to think.

"You know what, never mind," Spencer was not going to let Ashley explain herself. "Whatever lie you want to spread about me, go ahead, but how dare you show up here now? How dare you?"

Ashley just stood there, unable to come up with one single thing to say.

"God, you're unbelievable," Spencer said before she turned around and slammed the door in the brunette's face.

Ashley remained on the doorstep for a few minutes, unsure of what happened or what to do next. Eventually she got in her car and drove home.

She was left wondering how her attempt to try and do something good had ultimately made things between her and Spencer even worse.

* * *

"Don't talk to me," Spencer said to Ashley the next day when she arrived for class. She still couldn't believe the audacity the brunette had at showing up at her house. Who did she think she was? Her business was hers and nobody else's.

Ashley looked over at Spencer, but the blonde was not making eye contact with her. "Look, I'm sorry about—"

"Are you deaf?" Spencer said angrily, cutting Ashley off. "Don't talk to me."

Ashley sighed but relented. The middle of class wasn't the right time to apologize to Spencer anyway. But things couldn't go on as they had been. They had to find a way to work together which wouldn't set Spencer off and Ashley at the receiving end of verbal jab after verbal jab.

Luckily for Spencer, she wasn't required to speak to Ashley during class. Ms. Devereux was lecturing on finance and budgeting, which would take up the entire lesson. Spencer wasn't listening though. She was too busy feeding her seething anger.

Spencer was sick of everything and everyone.

She was sick of Madison being a bitch to her.

She was sick of being a social pariah at school.

She was sick of her dad's drinking.

She was sick of her mom acting like she didn't exist.

She was sick of Ashley and having to work with her on this project.

She was sick of feeling like she hadn't yet gotten over Clay's death.

She was sick of feeling angry all the time.

It was tiring.

She took off when the bell rang, not in the mood to have Ashley try and speak with her.

She was done.

All Spencer wanted was to be left alone. She knew her very dark mood eventually would pass and be replaced with her usual gloomy, pessimistic mood. She just needed time.

But the more Spencer ignored Ashley, the more Ashley wouldn't let things go. She couldn't get the image of a drunk Arthur Carlin out of her head. It wasn't like her mom didn't drink on occasion, but it was nothing like she had seen the previous day. There was this burning sensation in her gut that wouldn't go away. Ashley suspected that it would only leave her when she got a chance to find out if Spencer was OK.

It was ridiculous for her to feel that way. Ashley knew that. She had spent enough time ignoring Spencer's problems. Why should now be different? She didn't have an answer for that question, it just was. The fact that she didn't know what was going on with Spencer was making Ashley restless.

Not that her life was going super well anyway. Being around Madison was starting to be a chore. There were all these unsaid things that she wanted to say to her but couldn't. And Aiden—well, Aiden was becoming something of a non-factor. They had hardly spent any time together recently, not that this bothered Ashley. But she didn't have the time or energy to wonder why that was.

She was too busy being consumed with all things Spencer.

That afternoon she tried to catch Spencer after school, but she never found her. The next day she tried to catch Spencer in the morning, but Madison cornered her, and by the time Ashley had gotten away, it was too late. She was getting desperate to make things right with her class partner. She ignored Madison's catty remarks when Ashley informed her that she wasn't going to be around at lunch. Her friend wasn't used to people saying no to her.

Ashley didn't care about that. She had found out earlier that Sean wasn't at school today. She figured with him gone, she'd have the chance to get Spencer alone—reaction and fall out be damned.

When lunch time rolled around, Ashley jumped out of her seat. She knew where Spencer spent her lunches. Despite how nervous she was, the brunette was determined to see her plan through.

Unfortunately, when she arrived at the spot where Spencer ate, the girl was nowhere to be found. Ashley sighed, this was way harder than she thought it would be. Just when she felt like giving up, she caught a glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of her eye. When Ashley looked over, she realized she was looking at the back of Spencer's head. She took off right away in hot pursuit.

Ashley was surprised when she followed Spencer back in the school. She didn't strike Ashley as being someone who wanted to spend more time in this building than she had to. The brunette was even more surprised when she saw Spencer open a door that was clearly not meant for students to open. Feeling like she was some kind of spy, Ashley waited a few minutes before she opened the door as well.

She was greeted with a set of stairs that led, she assumed, to the school's basement.

"This is not a horror movie," Ashley said to herself in an effort to stay calm. She was both intrigued and mildly terrified at the same time.

She walked along a long corridor, but there was no sign of Spencer. She continued cautiously, somewhat convinced that the blonde was about to jump out and scare her at any moment. That never happened however.

Finally, when Ashley was about to give up. She heard someone cough behind a nearby door. The evidence was flimsy, but it sure sounded like Spencer. The sound had come from what appeared to be a guy's restroom so she wasn't going to open it at first. It made no sense. Why in the world would Spencer be there? But she had to see for herself if she was wrong.

With a feeling of foreboding Ashley pushed on door. As it was opening, it occurred to Ashley that she wasn't sure if she wanted to find Spencer or whether she hoped she was wrong.

She wasn't wrong though.

Sitting on the floor, with her head in her hands, was one Spencer Carlin.

"What the—" Spencer said when she heard the door open. She wasn't afraid of getting caught for being in a place she technically wasn't supposed to be, because nobody knew about her hideout, even Sean. "Are you kidding me?" she said when she saw a dumbfounded Ashley staring down at her.

Was she not allowed any peace whatsoever?

"Spencer, is that you?" It was a stupid thing for Ashley to ask considering the fact that she was staring right at the blonde. "What are you doing here?"

"Actually," Spencer angrily started as she stood up, "the better question is: what are you doing here? Were you following me or something?"

Ashley could feel her cheeks turning pink. Her all-consuming need to get to Spencer had stopped her from thinking about what she would actually say to the blonde if she was successful in finding her. She had a fleeting thought before she answered where she wondered if Spencer always looked so upset, or whether it was only when she was speaking to her. "Uh—"

"You're something else," Spencer was shaking her head. If she wasn't so irate she'd probably find the situation funny. "What gave you the right to come and find me here?"

Ashley's throat was suddenly dry, making it hard her for her to answer the question. "I was, uh, I was worried about—"

"Holy shit!" Spencer exclaimed in complete disbelief. This was not happening she told herself. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Ashley." The brunette tried to get a word in, but Spencer was having none of that. "After all this time, after everything, you have the audacity to try to tell me that you're worried about me? Is this some kind of sick joke? Did Madison send you here to mess with me?"

"No!" Ashley replied loudly. "This has nothing to do with her. This has to do with—"

"Let me guess," Spencer cut in forcefully. "You saw my dad yesterday and now you're overcome with concern for your _dear_ friend Spencer. Is that it?" Once again she would not let the other girl speak. "Let me spell this out for you so you can get it through that thick head of yours. I am nothing for you to even think about, let alone chase down so you can feel better about yourself. What happens with me is not a concern of yours whatsoever. Do you understand me?"

"Spencer, I know what I've done and what I haven't done when it comes to you," Ashley responded when she was given the chance. "But that doesn't mean I—"

"Yes it does!" Spencer once again would not let the brunette finish. She couldn't stand the idea that Ashley had invaded a place that she would often come to when she needed to be alone. It felt like a violation.

"Can you let me finish?" Ashley yelled, her frustration from the last couple of days reaching a breaking point.

Spencer's brightened a little, "Oh, so you do have the ability to fight back. What a surprise!" For weeks she had been provoking Ashley and it seemed like she was finally getting the payoff from that. "I mean, you usually let Madison do your bidding. This is something new for you."

"Leave her out of this!" Ashley wasn't sure how things had become about Madison and not the reason why she had been looking for Spencer. "If you just give me a chance to explain myself. . ." Her voice trailed off when she realized she wasn't even sure what it is she wanted to tell the blonde.

"Why should I?" Spencer asked rhetorically.

Ashley had no response for that.

Spencer shook her head again. "Just leave."

It felt like such an easy choice to make. Clearly Spencer didn't want to talk to her and Ashley was having a hard time coming up with a reason for her to continue to be told to go away. But no matter how easy it seemed, she wasn't going anywhere. "I'm not leaving until you hear me out."

Spencer laughed but did not look amused. "Oh, is that a fact?" There was a very small part of her that admired Ashley for not backing down. However, she would not acknowledge that to herself. "Then I'll be the one to end this farce of a conversation."

The blonde made a move to leave, but Ashley, not really thinking things through, refused to budge from where she was standing.

"Don't think I won't make you move," Spencer threatened.

"You're not the only stubborn one here," Ashley pointed out, hands on her hips. "I'm asking you for five minutes. You can't give me five minutes?"

Spencer backed down somewhat, but she wasn't about to let Ashley have her way. "No, I can't. Give me one good reason why I should?" Her question was met with silence. "Exactly, Ashley. For years you've chosen not to care. So suddenly, when you want to find out what's going on in my life, I need to tell you? It doesn't work that way."

"It's not like that!" Ashley protested, even though deep down she knew that Spencer wasn't wrong.

"You made your choice," Spencer continued. It actually felt good to get out what she'd been holding in for the longest time. "Do you want to me to be grateful that you've shown an interest in my well being?" Ashley wished she was being yelled at because the tone that Spencer was using on her was making her feel like the world's biggest heel. "Do you think my life is so pathetic that I should be jumping up and down because you've decided to come to my rescue?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth!" Ashley exclaimed.

"How arrogant do you have to be to think that I've been waiting here for you to come around and rescue me?" Spencer was on roll and had no desire to let up one bit. "I know this might come as a shock to you, but not everyone fantasizes about being surrounded by mindless idiots, like you are, every day.

Ashley sighed, her shoulders slumped in defeat. It didn't seem possible to stop Spencer from drawing all sorts of conclusions about her, even if some of them were right.

"What I do is none of your business, and my dad is none of your business," Spencer said, her tone very serious. "Don't waste a single second worrying about me because I would not do the same for you." She didn't care if she sounded harsh, the blonde felt she owed the other girl absolutely nothing. "Don't pretend that if it wasn't for this project you would even acknowledge my existence. I'm not an idiot."

"I never said you were," Ashley said when she was finally given the opportunity to talk. The problem was, she couldn't think of anything that would change Spencer's mind about her.

Spencer put her bag over her shoulder. "You can tell Madison that there's nothing for her to worry about."

Ashley stepped aside when Spencer walked towards the door. Although she had no clue what Spencer meant by her last statement, she wasn't about to ask.

She let the blonde go without another word.

There was nothing left to say anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I probably won't get a chance to update again until next weekend. I hope y'all have a Happy New Year.**

Chapter 8

There had been a time when Ashley thought getting paired up with Spencer would be a blessing in disguise. For a long time now she regretted that their friendship had ended. And she thought maybe this project would be an opportunity to set things right. Or, at the very least, try and apologize for her actions.

But the confrontation with Spencer in the bathroom made her realize that wasn't going to happen. And now she was starting to think that the blonde had been right. Ashley hadn't been there for her in a very long time. Why should Spencer allow her in just because she wanted to right it now? It really wasn't fair.

As bad as she already felt, seeing Spencer the next day in class made her feel even worse. Gone were the cutting remarks. Gone was the snarky attitude. And gone was the fire in the blonde's eye when she spoke. Instead, Ashley was treated cordially, though distantly.

It was driving her crazy.

She never thought she'd miss Spencer being awful to her, but she really did. It didn't make a lot of sense that she was longing for the times when the blonde was snapping at everything she said. When Ashley sat back and thought about it, she knew exactly why that was. At least when Spencer was all over her, even in anger, it made her feel like she cared, as twisted as that sounded.

Now she was going out of her way to be as polite to Ashley as possible.

And it really sucked.

Ashley was looking forward to the weekend. It would give her a chance to clear her head. At least, she hoped it would. She was supposed to see Aiden on Saturday night, but he had just cancelled plans with her. She hadn't even bothered to find out why.

"Don't forget, your progress report is due on Monday," Ms. Devereux announced right before the end of class. "You'll lose one full grade for every day it is late." Everyone groaned, but their groans fell on deaf ears. "Have a good weekend!" she called out when the bell rang.

"I forgot about that report," Ashley said as the rest of the students started to clear out. "Did you want me to—"

"We can work on it together," Spencer replied before the brunette was finished. She wasn't trying to be combative. On the other hand, she wasn't about to let Ashley do all the work; she had her pride. "I can't tonight, but tomorrow…" Her voice trailed off when she remembered what her dad was usually like on the weekends. There was no way she could invite Ashley back to her place.

"Tomorrow is fine with me," Ashley told her, oblivious to Spencer's dilemma. "You want to come over to my house?" She instantly regretted the invitation, sure it would lead to a lecture from the other girl about how Ashley thought her place was too shabby to work in. "I mean, if that's not—"

"That's fine," Spencer said quickly. She was relieved this didn't have to turn into a thing. "What time is good for you?"

"Any time in the afternoon is fine," Ashley hated how stiff their conversations now were. It was so much worse than how it had been before. "I haven't, uh, moved so—"

Spencer did her best not to look annoyed. She was done wasting any more of her emotions on Ashley. "I'll be there at one o'clock." And with that, she took off.

"Looking forward to it," Ashley said with a sigh.

She was getting really used to the sight of Spencer walking away from her.

* * *

Much to Ashley's dismay, she had been roped into going out that night. She had wanted to refuse, but then Aiden made her feel guilty and Madison wouldn't take no for answer. Thanks to those two factors, she was at present sitting in a booth at Gray trying her hardest not to be miserable.

Normally, Ashley was one for going out and having a good time. She'd danced countless times on the dance floor, but now the music was too loud and she didn't want to be surrounded by people—not to mention that Aiden's hand felt wrong in hers.

Everything felt wrong.

He was involved in an animated conversation about something she couldn't hear, not that she thought she was missing much. Ashley was bored out of her mind.

Speaking of her mind, it was, as it had been of late, consumed with all things Spencer. Ashley couldn't figure out why she was unable to get that girl out of her head. It was infuriating as it was frustrating. She was still worried about Spencer—that feeling hadn't gone away. In spite of the blonde's insistence that Ashley not waste any time thinking about her, it seemed like it was all she could do.

There were other thoughts about Spencer, but so far Ashley was able to deny their existence. They weren't anything to get worked up about, she reasoned. The truth was, she was too scared to face what they could mean.

She'd been running from them long enough anyway.

"You look like someone killed your puppy," Madison observed when she saw the look on Ashley's face. She had been sitting across from the other girl but had moved so she could get closer to her. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Ashley replied as she sipped from her spiked drink. If she was forced to go out, she was going to do what she could to have a good time. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Madison practically screamed in Ashley's ear.

Ashley let go of Aiden's hand so she could turn her body and face Madison. "What's it to you anyway? Why does it matter?"

"Because," Madison started, her teeth clenched. "You've been acting weird for weeks now. Ever since you started that project with Spencer. What is that girl doing to you?"

"This has nothing to do with her," Ashley lied. She was supposed to be forgetting Spencer, not talking about her with Madison. "Can you just give it a rest? It's been a long week and I don't want to talk about it."

Madison put her hand on top of Ashley's," I'm just worried." She was smiling, but there was coldness in her eyes. "I don't want the stench of loser to get stuck on you."

Ashley was incensed. Where did Madison get off talking about Spencer like that? If she wasn't so mad, she'd acknowledge that Madison talked about Spencer like that all the time. Now the difference was Ashley was allowing herself to really hear Madison's words. "I'm going to get a drink."

Madison narrowed her eyes as Ashley stormed away from the table. Something was going on and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't harp on that. Instead, she was going to use the time that she had alone with Aiden to confirm their plans for the following evening.

Ashley waited impatiently at the bar to get served. Madison had put her in an even worse mood than she was to begin with. She couldn't believe the nerve of her friend.

She wanted to tell Madison that Spencer wasn't a loser, but that response had died on Ashley's lips. She knew it would only lead to a fight and that was the last thing Ashley wanted.

While Ashley continued to try and get the bartender's attention, she also took the opportunity to let her eyes wander around the club. It was then that she caught site of the familiar site of the back of Spencer's head. All of a sudden her stomach tightened and her palms began to sweat.

What was Spencer doing at Gray, and who was she with?

She tried not to stare, but couldn't stop herself. She was too busy looking in the blonde's direction to realize that she finally had the bartender's attention.

"I can't believe you dragged me here," Spencer said to Sean.

Sean took a sip of his drink as his eyes looked at the many girls that surrounded them. "Oh, please, like you're not happy you came with me tonight."

"Shut up," Spencer fired back, unwilling to admit that Sean was right. She could use the distraction that coming to Gray usually provided her. She needed to blow off some steam and if that meant finding a girl to blow off steam with, Spencer was completely OK with that.

Sean laughed. "That's what I thought."

Spencer ignored her friend's gloating and decided to see if she could find someone to help her cope with the stresses of her life. She wasn't looking for true love—Spencer didn't believe in that. She was just looking for someone she could have fun with and then never see again.

It was an arrangement that had worked out quite well for her in the past.

"I think you have a bit of an admirer," Sean said after he was done looking around. He had noticed Ashley, but she hadn't noticed him.

Spencer smirked at that news, but her smirk was gone as soon as she saw who Sean was pointing to. She couldn't believe her bad luck that Ashley was also at the same place as her. Then she remembered that the brunette was supposed to mean nothing to her and that calmed her down somewhat. "She's probably praying for my soul or some shit like that."

"Probably," Sean responded with a bit of a chuckle. "It's going to take a lot of prayers for anyone to save your sorry soul."

Spencer elbowed her friend right in the ribs. She was satisfied when Sean let out an anguished yelp. "You should really learn to be nice to me."

Sean rubbed his side. "Yeah, because I'm such an asshole to you."

Spencer's comeback died on her lips, when she spotted another person who was looking intently at her. She had noticed the girl on previous trips to Gray but hadn't had the chance to introduce herself yet.

That was about to change.

"I'll be back soon," Spencer announced when she got the signal from the girl to come over. "But probably not that soon."

Sean followed Spencer's line of sight to see what had her attention. If he was a lesser man, Sean might have been bothered that his friend seemed to have way more luck with women than he did. But he didn't begrudge the blonde a good time.

Ashley's eyes were trained on Spencer. Everything else seemed to fade from importance as she observed the blonde make her way across the club. The pit in Ashley's stomach intensified when she saw Spencer engaged in a very close conversation with a girl she didn't know. What did it matter, she asked herself. But Ashley didn't like the answer to that question.

Spencer could only imagine how disgusted Ashley was with her right then. She knew that the brunette didn't like that she was gay. It was one of the things that drove them apart. That, and Ashley being a self-centered, popularity-obsessed, horrible person. The least she could do is put on a show for her former friend.

Ashley was trying to force herself to look away from Spencer. She wanted to go back to her table and forget that she had ever seen the other girl out tonight. But her body betrayed her. She felt stuck in her chair, unable to do anything but stare at something she didn't want to be staring at.

"That's hilarious," Spencer said as she leaned in to the girl standing inches from her. She ran her finger up the other girl's bare arm to test the waters. The smile that Spencer received at that action made her smile herself. She was in.

She continued to talk to her new friend at very close quarters, hoping that Ashley was still watching her. Spencer didn't care about Ashley, but that didn't mean she couldn't have fun at her expense. If she was going to be judged for who she was, she might as well give the person judging her something to freak out about.

Ashley had never felt this way before. All she wanted to do was run over to the girl that Spencer was talking to and punch her right in the face. She reasoned that the girl was using the blonde and she was just being protective.

Even she didn't buy that excuse.

Spencer felt a rush of excitement course through her when the girl she had been flirting with decided to take some action. She took Spencer's hand and started leading them towards a more secluded area. The blonde smirked. She would definitely have to thank Sean later for dragging her out tonight.

She couldn't take it anymore. Ashley ripped her eyes away from Spencer and the skank she was with before the couple could get even more inappropriate together. She couldn't believe what she had to witness.

In fairness, there were other couples making out all over the place.

But none of that mattered to Ashley. She was too wound up to try and be reasonable right then.

"You're a really good kisser," Spencer's make-out buddy husked in the blonde's ear before her lips went to the blonde's neck.

Spencer let out a throaty moan as the girl found a particularly sensitive spot right by her ear. Her pleasure was heightened when she spotted an upset looking Ashley from across the club.

* * *

"Thanks for the ride," Spencer said as she undid her seatbelt.

Sean waved his hand at the blonde. "What's my life if it's not driving your sorry ass around. Besides, I've seen you drive, Spence, I'm doing a service to the community by keeping you from getting behind the wheel of car."

"If I didn't have to work on this stupid thing with Ashley right now, I would so be kicking your ass for that comment." Spencer tried to hold her hands up in a threatening manner, but that only made Sean laugh. "I'll text you when I'm done."

When Sean had left, Spencer took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She wasn't sure why she was nervous, but she suspected it had to with being at Ashley's house. It was a place that held a lot of memories for the blonde—most of them good. The most recent, however, were very, very bad.

The last time she had been here, she'd left in tears.

And it still stung.

As Spencer walked towards the front door, she hoped that she could just get through the next couple of hours without any drama. She was tired of it. She was also tired from getting in late the night before. Thankfully Sean had arrived to pick her up with a very large cup of coffee waiting for her.

Spencer didn't get the chance to knock on the front door because a very pissed off Ashley had opened it just as she about to knock on it.

"You're late," Ashley said angrily. Her eyes looked like they were on fire and her body language screamed "don't piss me off."

Spencer was caught off guard. She looked down at her phone and then back up at a clearly upset Ashley. "Uh, by like two minutes, sorry."

Ashley had her hand on her hip, she didn't care to hear a fake apology from the blonde. She was already seeing red, but when the brunette spotted a dark mark on Spencer's neck, she got even more incensed. "I get that you hate me or whatever, but it would be really nice if you could just show me some common courtesy. Is that too much for me to ask for?"

"Uh, no," Spencer replied, completely dumbfounded. She couldn't figure out what she could have possibly done to make Ashley so mad. The last time they'd worked together, she'd been positively nice to the other girl.

"Thank you!" Ashley exclaimed, sarcastically. The fire that had started in her stomach the previous evening would not go away. The more she thought about Spencer with that 6girl, the more she couldn't think straight. She was burning from the inside without a way to stop it. She motioned for Spencer to come in and then slammed the door once she had come inside. "We are working in my room, unless you have some kind of problem with that?"

Spencer wanted to ask why Ashley was acting so off, but she thought better of it. "That's fine."

"I'm so glad that could meet your approval," Ashley said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She took off up the stairs, leaving a very confused Spencer behind.

"Women," Spencer muttered under her breath before she followed the brunette.

* * *

They were sitting on the floor. Ashley typing on her laptop while Spencer looked at her notes. The last thirty minutes had passed without any major incident. But the tension Spencer had felt coming off Ashley in waves had only gotten more intense.

No matter what Spencer did or said, Ashley would snap back at her. It was quite the role reversal for the blonde. She just kept biting her tongue, hoping against hope that they could finish what needed to be done quickly.

"I'm waiting," Ashley sang out as she tapped her finger against her computer. She also wanted to get things over with as quickly as possible. She couldn't stand to be in the same room as the blonde for much longer. "This shouldn't be that hard, Spencer."

"OK, that's it!" Spencer exclaimed before she slammed her books on the floor. She was nobody's punching bag, especially Ashley's. "Did someone piss in your cereal this morning or something? Because you can stop being a bitch to me right about now."

Ashley closed her laptop hard. "You have no right to order me around, especially in my own house. If you don't like it here, just go."

"I've had just about enough of this," Spencer replied, her nostrils flaring.

"Good!" Came back the reply from Ashley. "Nobody is stopping you. Go!"

"What is your problem?" Spencer asked. "I don't get you right now."

Ashley was beyond reason and logical thinking. She was itching to fight with Spencer and it seemed like the blonde was going to comply with her wishes. "You're my problem."

"Oh, that's rich," Spencer laughed. "Where do you get off saying something like that to me? If anything I should be—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard this song and dance before," Ashley said, cutting the blonde off. "I'm awful, you hate me, now go."

"What the hell?" Spencer mumbled under her breath. She had enough other crap in her life that she really didn't care what issue Ashley had with her. "Gladly," she said, before she put all of her stuff back in her school bag. She didn't even care that Sean most likely wouldn't be able to pick her up yet. She needed to get as far away from the brunette as possible.

Ashley couldn't believe that Spencer was actually going to leave. How dare she? As angry as she was before, now she was on the verge of exploding. "So that's it? You're leaving?"

"Are you high?" Spencer asked, having stopped dead in her tracks. "You just told me to get out!"

"That doesn't mean you have to go!" Ashley screamed like a mad woman.

"Whatever mental break down you're having, go be crazy with someone else besides me," Spencer said, clearly exasperated with the situation.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is our project getting in the way of your social life," Ashley replied sounding anything but sorry. "It must be so hard for you to come here and spend two minutes with me when you are so busy with your hands down girls' pants."

"What?" Spencer could not believe what Ashley had just said to her. "You're going to stand there and judge me for last night? Who gave you the right to do that?"

Ashley took a step towards the blonde. "I have the right to say whatever I want to you!"

"No, you don't, actually," Spencer snapped. She was now just as mad as Ashley was. She was done with people passing judgment on her—especially the brunette. "Your opinion means nothing to me."

"Well good for you!" Ashley fired back in a very snarky tone. In truth, she didn't even really know what she was saying anymore. She just knew she was mad and needed to release her anger. "I'm glad I mean nothing to you."

Spencer could not wrap her head around what was being thrown at her. It was mind boggling. "I'm not even going to respond to that."

"I don't care what you do." Ashley's hands were back on her hips and her chest was heaving.

"You have a funny way of showing it," Spencer laughed and that earned her a very dirty look from the other girl. Not that she was affected by it. "Good bye, Ashley. When you've stopped losing your mind, let me know so we can finish this stupid project and I don't ever have to talk to you again."

Spencer tried to walk away, but Ashley refused to budge. She wasn't going to let the other girl go until she was good and ready. When the blonde tried to move again, something inside Ashley snapped.

She couldn't take it anymore—not the yelling, not the hurtful words, not anything. She pushed Spencer up against her bedroom wall.

Ashley was acting purely on instinct. Without any thought to what she was about to do, or the consequences of her actions, she kissed Spencer with a ferociousness that she had never kissed anyone before.

Both girls were surprised by the brunette's move.

It was an even bigger surprise, however, when moments later, Spencer was kissing her back.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Happy 2014! I figure updating early is a good way to start the year :)**

**I will respond to comments from the last chapter before I post again. Thanks for being awesome readers.**

_**Italics **_**mean**** flashback**

Chapter 9

_Spencer looked over at Ashley to see if she was awake. They were having their weekly sleepover, but things had been weird between them all night._

_Actually, things had been weird between them longer than that._

_They were going to be starting high school in a few weeks, and Spencer was feeling so much dread about that. She couldn't shake the feeling that her and Ashley were drifting apart. It's not like they had been fighting or anything, but their interests seemed to be diverging._

_It was hard for Spencer to pinpoint the time she had started to feel distant from Ashley. One day they had been playing video games and getting into trouble together and the next day Ashley wanted to talk about boys and fashion—two subjects the blonde cared nothing about. _

_This had caused a subtle rift between the two girls that scared Spencer a lot. She loved Ashley more than anything. And now when she would start talking about a cute boy Spencer would get jealous. She didn't know exactly where that feeling came from. What she did know was that she wanted to spend all her time with her best friend and didn't want to share her with anyone._

_What sucked even more is that Spencer didn't feel like she could talk to anybody about the feelings she was having. Ashley was out, for obvious reasons. Her brothers certainly weren't an option and, for some reason, she didn't feel able to talk to her mom about what was bothering her. _

_There had been a time she had felt close to her mom, but that had lately changed as well. Her mom was always telling her that she should wear more dresses or asking her when she was going to start putting on make-up. It made Spencer feel like her mom wanted a Barbie doll for a daughter, something the blonde was not interested in becoming._

_There were other friends that Spencer had, but she didn't feel close enough to any of them to pour her heart out. It seemed like everyone besides her was boy crazy. She had tried to fake her way through that phase with little success. _

_Spencer hated feeling different._

_Ashley turned over to find Spencer awake beside her. She could see the crease on her friend's forehead that meant she was worried about something. The brunette wanted to reach out to touch Spencer's hand but held back. Lately, being around Spencer and touching her had felt different to Ashley. _

_She knew she shouldn't be having these feelings about her best friend._

_It was why she was trying so hard to do anything she could to feel normal. She didn't want to be different; it scared her. Ashley already had a tough enough time being the daughter of a rock star. People often made fun of her for it to hide their jealousy. She hated when people stared at her or when she could hear people whispering about her in school._

_The one person that had never done that to Ashley was awake beside her. Spencer didn't even know that the brunette had a famous dad until they were already very close. It helped that they'd met each other over a summer school break. So, by the time they did start school and Spencer heard everyone talking about Ashley, she cared too much about her to pay attention to idle gossip._

"_Why are you awake?" Ashley whispered. Her concern for Spencer outweighed the fear she felt at her changing feelings for the blonde._

"_Can't sleep," Spencer replied, her eyes fixated on the ceiling. There was a sinking feeling in her chest she couldn't shake._

_Ashley giggled. "Thanks, Captain Obvious."_

"_Ask a stupid question, get a stupid…" Spencer's voice trailed off when she turned on her side to face Ashley. She couldn't believe there was something she wasn't comfortable talking to her friend about. "I don't want to lose you," she finally admitted with a lot of trepidation._

"_Why would you lose me?" Ashley asked full of concern. She hated hearing Spencer sound sad and yet she wouldn't reach out and comfort her. _

_Spencer shrugged without saying anything right away. "Things change, people change," she finally answered vaguely._

"_Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. You know that, right?" Ashley could feel herself getting choked up. She hated that Spencer doubted their friendship. She knew she was partly to blame for that, but pulling away had seemed like the only option until Ashley could figure out what was going on with her. _

"_I do know that," Spencer said, but she still had her doubts. _

"_Come here," Ashley opened up her arms, not caring right then about how touching Spencer made her feel. Her friend needed her. When the blonde scooted over to her, Ashley wrapped her arms around Spencer's body and held her as tight as possible. Ashley could feel herself flushing when Spencer pressed herself against her. She couldn't believe how good it felt to be so close to her friend. It was terrifying. "I love you."_

_Spencer buried her face into the brunette's neck. She had never felt as safe as she did in Ashley's arms. "I love you too," she replied back. _

_The embrace did not thing to quell either girl's fears. It somehow felt like a hug good-bye._

_It wasn't long afterwards that it would prove to be exactly that._

_._

* * *

Ashley's body was on fire. No rational part of her was functioning at the moment. Her need to keep kissing Spencer and experiencing what she was experiencing was overriding any part of her that might be telling her to stop.

There was no way she was going to stop something that felt this good.

The best part, if she had to name one thing, because really that would be hard to do, was how hard Spencer was kissing her back. She gasped into the blonde's mouth when she felt the other girl's tongue touching hers.

Kissing Aiden was nice.

Kissing Spencer was an explosion of sensations that she felt in every inch of her body.

Spencer's brain was also refusing to function at present. If it was working, it would probably tell her to stop kissing someone who, until a few minutes ago, she wanted nothing to do with. But stopping this kiss was not an option. The blonde was experiencing something so intense and yet she did not want to stop it.

If anything, she wanted to feel this way forever.

She moved her hands up to the back of Ashley's head, making sure that the other girl wasn't about to move away from her.

Ashley moaned as she pushed herself that much closer into Spencer than she was already. She needed more. She wanted more.

Kissing a girl was not something new to Spencer. But feeling this good while she was kissing a girl _was_ something new for the blonde. It felt like there was white hot liquid spreading throughout every inch of her. And she couldn't get enough of the sensations that Ashley was giving her.

When the need for oxygen was too much, Ashley, with a lot of reluctance, tore her lips away from Spencer's. But she wasn't done with the blonde. Not by a long shot. She looked into Spencer's piercing blue eyes for a second before she attacked her neck.

Ashley went right for the mark on Spencer's neck. The mark that had fueled her rage before was now fueling her desire to pleasure Spencer. Never one to feel possessive, marking Spencer was all she could think about as she kissed the soft skin around the other's girl jaw line.

"Fuck!" Spencer moaned as Ashley continued to keep her lips fused with her neck. She was awash in sensation and desire.

Not being in control was not a feeling though that Spencer relished. She was usually the one driving things when it came to the girls she had been with. As much as she was enjoying what Ashley was doing to her, fear was starting to take over, and she wasn't ready to stop being with the brunette.

Spencer guided Ashley's mouth back to hers. Her hands were cupping the brunette's face as things got even more intense. She moved herself off the wall with an idea of exactly where she wanted to go.

Ashley did not protest as Spencer moved the two of them over to her bed. She had neither the will power nor desire to say no. She felt her legs hit the back of her bed, and then with some maneuvering she quickly found herself underneath the blonde.

There was no way that Spencer could think clearly with Ashley writhing beneath her. It caused a chain reaction in her body that left her feeling so close to the edge she couldn't stand it. Nothing had ever felt this good, even with girls who were wearing considerably less then both girls were then. It still wasn't enough though.

Spencer wasn't sure it would ever be enough.

She put one hand on the brunette's bare leg and when Ashley didn't protest, she decided to test the waters further. Her fingers moved their way upwards without any thought as to why that was probably a bad decision on her part. Spencer was tired of feeling awful all time.

It was Ashley's turn to let out a very loud moan when the blonde decided her neck needed attention too. She let out a string of swear words when Spencer moved from her neck to her ear. The tugging sensation she felt from the other girl's teeth was almost too much to bear.

Then she felt Spencer's hand under her skirt, moving with a purpose that couldn't be misinterpreted.

And it caused Ashley to panic.

Big time.

"Spencer, stop," Ashley breathed out to no avail. While she couldn't deny how amazing the blonde was making her feel, she needed to put a halt to what was happening before things got out of hand. "Stop!" she tried again more forcefully.

Spencer was lost in a haze of hunger for Ashley, which is why it took a few seconds for her brain to catch up to what the brunette was trying to tell her. When she realized what Ashley was saying, she pulled away but did not get up from the bed. "Huh, what?" Spencer panted, not wanting to give herself the chance to take in what was happening. "What's wrong?"

Ashley looked up at the breathless girl above her. Spencer's hair was all over the place, her lips swollen from their kissing and the hickey on the side of her neck was impossible to miss. The problem was, she didn't know how to respond to the question that was rightfully being asked of her.

The longer Spencer was not kissing Ashley, the more her thoughts came into focus. She was looking down at a girl that she had told herself she wanted nothing do with. And now, all she wanted was to keep kissing her. The blonde was starting to question her sanity. It didn't help matters that the longer Ashley stayed quiet the more she drew conclusions based on past behavior.

Ashley's body was humming, but her mind was all over the place. She knew she had to say something and yet she remained silent.

"I should have known this would happen," Spencer said when she couldn't stay patient any longer. She stood up, with a lot of reluctance mind you, to readjust her clothes. And she told herself to get some of her common sense back. "Was that just some kind of experiment for you, Ashley? Was that fun? Did Madison tell you to screw with me this way?"

"What? No!" Ashley exclaimed, immediately. She actually wasn't sure she could move, but watching Spencer panic and lash out, caused her to jump to her feet as well. "It's not like that at all, I just-"

"I can't believe you!" Spencer was freaking out. As good as she had felt just minutes before, she was now feeling disgusted with herself for actually thinking that Ashley wanted her. That didn't even make sense, not when the brunette had rejected her for who she was. "I can't believe I was so stupid to fall for whatever prank you're pulling on me."

Ashley was starting to feel desperate. "Can you stop for a second and-"

"No, I can't," Spencer's voice was ice old. She had to get out of Ashley's room before she could be humiliated further.

"This wasn't a prank," Ashley told the blonde. "It wasn't."

"Right, because you've been dying to kiss me for the longest time," Spencer replied sarcastically not realizing how accurate her statement actually was. "Maybe you were just trying to mess with my head. Is that your angle?"

"Just stop!" Ashley needed to get Spencer to listen to her. "It's not that I wasn't enjoying-"

"Don't lie to me," the blonde ordered. She knew she was being irrational, but she refused to acknowledge it. Underneath her don't-fuck-with-me attitude was a very insecure person who was feeling rejected.

"I'm not lying!" Ashley exclaimed sincerely. There were a lot of things behind her kiss, or kisses as it may be, with Spencer, but doing it as a joke was not something on her radar. She took a deep breath. "Yes, I freaked out, but not because-"

"I knew it!" Spencer was furious. How dare Ashley kiss her like that, make her feel the things just to get scared and back away. It was flawed logic, but Spencer was in no mood to hear excuses or accept that the brunette had a right to stop what they were doing no matter the reason. "I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I'm done with you, Ashley. I'm done, OK? After everything you've put me through-"

"I'm a virgin!" Ashley yelled loudly. As soon as the words left her mouth, her face went beet red and her eyes hit the floor.

Spencer's jaw dropped at the brunette's announcement. She didn't trust what the brunette said however. "What? Come off it. You've been with Aiden for, like, two years and you expect me to believe that you haven't slept with him?"

"I'm not lying," Ashley repeated her words from moments before, but this time a lot quieter. "I'm not." She finally worked up the courage to look back at Spencer, her face was flushed with embarrassment. "That's why I freaked out, not because it was you I was kissing."

"Yeah right," Spencer said rudely. She was so taken aback by what Ashley had told her she didn't know how to react. When she allowed her defenses to come down and when she actually saw how awkward Ashley was being, the blonde started to doubt how she had been acting. "Really?"

Ashley nodded and then her eyes once again went to the floor. "I, uh, just wanted to wait and…" she couldn't finish her sentence because she was mortified of what she was actually admitting. "I want my first time to be special."

"Oh," was Spencer's reply. She had been so angry with Ashley when she thought she was being rejected. Now though, she didn't know how to react.

"It's dumb, I know," Ashley said without glancing up to see how horrified Spencer must be at her admission. She'd been teased enough by Madison for her decision and received enough pressure from Aiden to change her mind.

Realizing she'd been the world's biggest ass, Spencer walked over to the still blushing brunette and took her hand, which caused Ashley's eyes to immediately connect with her own. "I don't think that's dumb," she told the other girl honestly. "I think it's kind of sweet."

"You do?" Ashley asked in disbelief. She couldn't believe that Spencer wasn't making fun of her. She also couldn't believe how much her heart was racing, just by holding the blonde's hand.

"I do," Spencer assured her.

"You don't think that makes me lame?" Ashley asked quickly.

"Not at all," Spencer replied, her hand squeezing the brunette's to make sure her message was getting across loud and clear. "I'm sorry I was pushing you before. It's just that kiss-"

"Don't apologize," Ashley said, cutting the blonde off. She was terrified that Spencer was going to say the kiss was a mistake and she couldn't stand to hear that if that was the case.

Spencer looked into Ashley's eyes and it was like seeing her former friend for the first time. She didn't know what was going on. And frankly, she was too scared to face what this all meant. "Can I…" Spencer hesitated, unsure if she was doing the right thing. When the brunette moved even closer to her, she didn't care about what was the right thing anymore. "If my hands behave themselves, can I, can I kiss you again?"

It was the most vulnerable Spencer could ever remember feeling. She wasn't sure where she had found the courage to ask that question. If Ashley said no it would devastate her in a way she wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with.

Her concerns weren't warranted.

Ashley felt flutters in her stomach that she had only ever experienced with Spencer. It had terrified her when she first felt them years before, and it was still frightening now.

But she was done letting her fears rule her actions. That hadn't worked for her in the past.

Ashley answered Spencer's question by meeting the blonde's lips in a kiss that felt even more powerful than any of their previous kisses.

How could anyone think that anything that felt this amazing was wrong? Ashley briefly considered before she was swept up in all things Spencer.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N You guys are awesome readers! Thanks :)**

**I likely won't be back with another update until next weekend. I hope this tides you over until then.**

Chapter 10

Spencer was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, with her hands folded behind her head. She'd been in the same position for the last hour.

She was trying to still her thoughts so she could figure out exactly what had happened the day before. That was proving difficult because inevitably her mind would just focus on the parts where she and Ashley kissed over and over again.

She had enjoyed it more than she was willing to admit.

It was Spencer's phone going off—repeatedly—that had eventually caused the two girls to stop what neither of them had wanted to stop. Sean was trying to reach her to ask when she was going to be ready for that ride home. Ashley had clumsily offered to drive her, but Spencer said no.

She needed the break to clear her head and figure out what was going on. Ashley had tried to appear OK with that decision, but her disappointment was evident. There were few words exchanged between them while Spencer got her things together. The air had been filled with uncertainty, to put it mildly.

Initially, Spencer felt relieved when she walked out of the brunette's place. The discomfort that she felt once she stopped messing around with Ashley was too much to deal with. What was even harder to deal with was how much she hadn't wanted to leave.

Why was her body betraying her by enjoying kissing Ashley that much?

She didn't know the answer to that question, and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

When Sean arrived to pick her up, she hadn't said anything to him. She mumbled something about wanting to go home, and he had obliged her wishes. Spencer felt bad lying, but she couldn't make sense of what happened, so how could she explain things to Sean. He had asked her about hanging out that night, but Spencer told him she wanted to be alone.

The problem was, being alone meant reliving her afternoon.

She had made out with Ashley Davies.

Repeatedly.

And fuck if she hadn't enjoyed herself.

Even now, the following day, her body practically hummed when she thought about what kissing Ashley felt like.

A girl that had hurt her more than she had allowed anyone else to hurt her, was the same person that she seemed to be insanely attracted to.

It made no sense whatsoever.

What did all mean?

What would happen when they saw each other at school on Monday?

Nothing, Spencer reasoned. Even though Ashley had told her she wasn't using her for experimentation, that didn't stop the blonde from thinking the worst. Ashley's track record with her over the last few years was not good.

She couldn't believe she was spending so much time thinking about a girl. That wasn't Spencer's style at all. She just didn't allow herself to get carried away with feelings and emotions. Now that this was happening, the blonde didn't seem to have as much control over things as she liked to think she did.

Before Spencer's thoughts could get any more twisted in her head, her dad was knocking on her door. "Come in." She looked up from her bed, but didn't move.

"Hi, sweetheart," Arthur said, missing the eye roll his greeting got. He He knew he wasn't the dad that his daughter needed because he didn't seem capable of controlling the demons that plagued him. He was always hurting the ones he loved, but even that wasn't enough to get him stop drinking. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Spencer replied. Maybe in a different life and a different world she could have run to her father with her problems. Unfortunately that wasn't her reality. "Is something wrong?"

Arthur scratched his scruffy face. "Everything is fine." He hesitated a few seconds, not sure how the news he was bringing would be received. "I have to go out of town for a few days."

Her dad had once been a well-respected and accomplished social worker. He was the guy who people went to with the tough cases no one else could handle. Once his drinking got out of hand, that all changed and it wasn't long after that he was out of work.

His drinking made him unreliable, which was not surprising. Because of that Arthur moved from job to job and was forced to take work wherever he could find it.

Spencer had once been the poster child for a stable family life. That was no longer the case. Even with all of that stacked against him, she still loved her dad dearly. When he would go out drinking all night, she was the one who stayed up waiting for him. Spencer had tried on more than once occasion to get her dad sober. But too many broken promises forced her to give up.

She now accepted that he wasn't going to change. It still hurt though. It was hurting her more than she ever shared with anyone. The blonde carried a lot inside herself. It was easier, she decided, than letting someone in and having them disappoint her.

Just like so many people in her life had already done.

"Thanks for letting me know." She was actually kind of glad he wasn't going to be around. It would give her a chance to clear her head without the distraction of having her dad to take care of. "How long will you be gone?"

Arthur sighed. "I'm not sure, actually, but I should be back by the weekend. I'll call you if anything changes."

"OK, have a good trip."

"I left you some money on the kitchen table," Arthur told the blonde.

Spencer wasn't sure what was left to be said. It wasn't like this was the first time he was leaving her alone. "Thanks."

Arthur looked around. "I, uh, be safe, take care of yourself and I love-"

"Bye, dad," Spencer cut in. She could see the hurt in her dad's eyes when she had interrupted him and she tried her best not to feel bad about what she'd done.

"Bye, Spence," Arthur replied with another sigh. He left her room and closed the door behind him.

When Arthur was at the bottom of the stairs he thought about going back up to try and sort things out with Spencer. He didn't though. That would mean facing what he had turned into and he wasn't strong enough to do that. Instead, he told himself that if he got on the road quick enough he would have time once he checked into the motel he'd booked for a few drinks before he had to get to sleep.

That would help deal with the overwhelming guilt he was feeling, he told himself.

Spencer waited until she heard her dad leave the house before she got back to what she was thinking about earlier. She wasn't sure how long she could have Ashley on her brain before she went out of her mind.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang. Convinced it was her dad coming back because he had forgotten something, the blonde raced down the stairs, already annoyed.

But when she opened her front door, she was greeted with the site of a very uncertain looking Ashley. Spencer had not been expecting that.

"Uh, hi," she said.

Ashley was pleased that Spencer did not sound mad at her. She had actually been outside the blonde's house for the better part of an hour. But every time she worked up the nerve to get out the car, she had chickened out. It was only when she saw Arthur leave that Ashley had decided she couldn't act like an idiot forever.

Like Spencer, she had also spent the last number of hours going over what had happened in her bedroom the previous day. At first it hadn't seemed real. But the more the brunette had played things over in her head, the more reality had sunk in.

She was absolutely petrified.

All the questions she had run away from when she had stopped being friends with Spencer were now back. She had quashed those feelings down as far as they could go, but they never really went away. There was no way she could deny how amazing kissing Spencer was.

There was also no way she could deny that she had not come close to feeling anything like that when she kissed Aiden. Or any of the other boys she had kissed. Not that there had been that many, but there had been enough.

At the same time, it wasn't like she had hated kissing those boys, but they just hadn't set her body on fire like Spencer had. Not even close.

She wasn't ready to define exactly what that all meant. But she was ready to admit that she wanted to kiss Spencer again—as many times as the other girl would let her. She had to come over to see the blonde because she couldn't stand waiting until Monday.

Ashley had spent her Saturday night alone in her room. She had already planned that before she accepted the lame excuse Aiden had given her for not seeing her that night. What she hadn't planned was how much time she'd spend wishing Spencer was with her.

"Hey," Ashley replied while trying not to get distracted by how good Spencer looked right then. She wasn't dressed up in anything fancy, but that didn't stop her from being absolutely gorgeous. "I would have called, but I didn't have your number, and I know you don't like me coming here, but I didn't have any other way to reach you and the things is I really wanted-"

"Whoa, slow down," Spencer ordered, but her tone was light. She didn't think Ashley had taken one breath as she had rambled on. "I'm not mad."

"Oh, OK, good," Ashley smiled as well as breathed a sigh of relief.

"Did you want to come in?" Spencer asked, even though it seemed pretty obvious that that's exactly what the other girl wanted.

"Sure," Ashley followed the blonde inside, tingling just standing close to Spencer.

Once the front door was closed, Spencer wasn't sure what to do. She thought about inviting Ashley upstairs, but didn't want to be presumptuous. Then again, reading the brunette's body language meant Spencer was almost sure she hadn't come over to say something bad. She wasn't giving out vibes like that at all.

That being said, things felt weird, so Spencer settled on inviting Ashley into the den. She was thankful that she had spent some time earlier cleaning up so it wasn't a total disaster.

"You want anything to drink?" Spencer asked for no other reason that it sounded like the polite thing to offer.

Ashley gave the other girl a weak smile. "No, I'm OK, but thanks."

The two of them descended into silence, clearly they were both feeling awkward around each other.

"About yesterday," Ashley started, her voice sounding strained. "We kind of got distracted."

"That's one way to put it," Spencer joked. She was trying her best to fight the urge to make assumptions and jump down the other girl's throat. Her first instinct was to distrust other people's motives. But she had already done that day before and that had led to Ashley admitting a secret Spencer assumed she hadn't wanted to admit.

Ashley smiled nervously; this was a lot harder than she thought it would be. It was ironic that she has having such a difficult time talking to Spencer, when at one point, she'd been the one person she could talk so freely with. "Yeah." Everything she wanted to come out sounded forced in her head. "You know, we never actually worked on our assignment, and it is due tomorrow…"

"Oh," Spencer's heart sank. That's why Ashley had come by? To discuss their stupid assignment? But she didn't feel much like biting the brunette's head off. She was too disappointed. "Right, we should probably get that done."

Ashley noticed how crestfallen Spencer looked instantly. "No, no, no, you don't understand-"

"It's fine," Spencer replied brushing Ashley off. She had been a moron to think that Ashley had come over for any other reason than school work. "My dad's not here so we can get it done quickly." She stood up and looked away from the brunette.

"Spencer!" Ashley exclaimed, desperate to get the blonde's attention. "I'm so bad at this," she said more to herself than anyone else. She worked up the courage to get out what she had really wanted to tell Spencer. "I can't stop thinking about yesterday."

The blonde's stomach clenched at those words. With a lot of reluctance she made eye contact with Ashley again. She could see how panic-stricken she appeared.

The fact that Spencer seemed open to hearing her out calmed Ashley down a bit. She still felt on edge but she suspected that had to do with the way that the blonde was gazing at her. "I've never…" she was fidgeting with her fingers, still trying to figure out the right thing to say. "The assignment was the lame excuse I used to come over here because…"

"Because?" Spencer whispered when the brunette didn't finish her sentence. Her heart was thumping so hard in her chest.

"Because I wanted to see you again," Ashley admitted, her voice also quiet. "Because I can't stop thinking about kissing you again."

Spencer felt her body involuntarily shudder at what the other girl had told her. There was this energy present in the room that hadn't been there moments earlier. "You too?"

Ashley let go of the breath she had been holding. She was so glad that she hadn't screwed up things up. And she was even happier that what she was feeling didn't appear to be one sided. "What happens now?"

It was a loaded question, and both girls knew it.

But neither of them wanted to head down a path that would lead to revisiting old wounds. It was a path fraught with many dangers and potential landmines.

Spencer should have been feeling cautious. It was out of character for her to want something so much that she was willing to overlook things that should not be overlooked.

That didn't matter to her as she moved towards Ashley. It probably should have. She should have been using common sense. But what she was feeling was powerful enough to make her forget all about logic and what was probably best.

"This," Spencer husked out right before she pressed her lips to Ashley's.

They both moaned into each other's mouth. It wasn't long before Ashley found herself lying down on Spencer's sofa with the blonde above her.

A position she very much welcomed.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to respond to PMs and reviews - my dad has been in the hospital since Monday and needless to say it's been a chaotic week. Hopefully he gets to leave soon and once things have settled down I will reply to everyone. **

**I will update again as soon as I can.**

**Thanks for being awesome :) **

Chapter 11

Sean was about to get out of the car to go wake Spencer up when she stepped out of her house. She was dressed and actually had a smile on her face. "OK, who are you and what you have done with the real Spencer?"

"Shut up," Spencer replied before she locked the door behind her.

"No, seriously, what's the matter with you?" Sean asked when the blonde was seated next to him. "You look almost happy."

"There's nothing wrong," Spencer said evasively. She didn't want to be having this conversation with Sean. There were things he would undoubtedly say if he found out what she'd spent a large part of her weekend doing. The blonde wasn't in the mood to face any kind of inquisition for her actions. She didn't need that right now. "Stop bugging me."

Sean started the car but kept his eyes trained on Spencer. "No, seriously, you're not brooding or wallowing, why is that?"

"Do you think you can actually drive us to school without interrogating me?" Spencer would do whatever she could to avoid confronting what making out with Ashley meant. She was not in the mood to analyze things.

"Maybe you've been replaced by a pod person," Sean guessed, he still wasn't driving. When Spencer turned her head to avoid eye contact, something caught his attention. Before his friend could do anything he pushed her hair back to expose her neck. "Aha!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "That's why you're Miss Mary Sunshine this morning!"

Spencer shooed Sean's hand away and then readjusted her hair. "Stop being a jerk."

"As I live and breathe," Sean was fanning himself and using a very bad Southern accent, "I never thought I'd see the day when Spencer Carlin was gaga over a girl."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Spencer replied with a slight pout. Why did Sean have to be so nosy? "Let's go!"

"Touchy, touchy," Sean smirked. He wasn't nearly done with teasing his friend, but he would let her off the hook for the time being.

Spencer slouched in the seat, out of guilt for not telling Sean the truth and also because he wasn't really that wrong. She was experiencing all these feelings that she wasn't used to feeling.

It was unnerving.

And exciting at the same time.

When her phone buzzed seconds later, the blonde was happy for the distraction. She looked down to see Ashley's name appear on screen. Feeling heated almost instantly, she made sure not to react outwardly. They had exchanged numbers under the pretext of having to reach one another "just in case." But that was a lie and they both knew it.

_Good morning_.

It was a simple message, but what it did to Spencer made her wonder for the umpteenth time if she was either being played or losing her sanity.

She typed the same message back to Ashley in what she hoped was a discreet way.

"That your lady love?" Sean inquired with a really big smile on his face.

"For fuck's sake," Spencer mumbled under her breath. Being sneaky was a lot harder than she thought it would be. "I don't have a lady love."

Sean kept his eyes on the road. "OK, Spence, whatever you say."

Instead of replying, she turned the music up to drown out the sound of Sean laughing. She snuck a peak at her phone when she felt it go off a second time.

_I don't really have anything to say, but I wanted to say hi. Hope that's OK._

Spencer turned away from her friend, because Ashley's message made her smile widely. It wasn't what the brunette had said, but the fact that she was thinking of her. It was almost enough to make Spencer blush.

* * *

Ashley was chewing on her nails while she waited for Spencer's reply to her latest message. She had arrived at school not long ago with the intention of meeting up with Madison. She was dreading seeing her friend, a feeling she'd been having a lot lately. It felt like a chore to talk to Madison now, and she was tired of having to agree with her all the time.

She had gone to Spencer's yesterday without expecting much. She was convinced that the blonde would send her away once she'd had the opportunity to think things over. Ashley had been pleasantly surprised when that hadn't been the case at all.

She still had a hard time processing how much she was attracted to the other girl. She had responded to Spencer's touch very strongly. Kissing the blonde made her feel dizzy, but in the best of ways. It was like she was an instrument that Spencer knew how to play perfectly.

There were so many uncertainties that hung in the air though. Those were hard to ignore but it would seem that both of them were doing just that. Not everything needed to be analyzed, she told herself.

But it was more than that.

_You know, we still have that assignment to finish…_

Ashley grinned like a fool. She hoped nobody was watching her.

_Not really, I had a hard time sleeping last night so I went ahead and did it myself._

Once she hit send, Ashley sat back in her car and closed her eyes. She was going to take the opportunity for peace and quiet before Madison found her.

It wasn't long before Spencer had responded to her latest text.

_Oh, that's too bad…_

Ashley was confused. She didn't really think that the blonde would be bothered by her doing what needed to be done. She asked why, and then got back to her own thoughts.

"What are you doing?" Madison asked as she banged on Ashley's car window. She could see her friend sitting there with a goofy smile on her face.

"Nothing," Ashley said with an eye roll. She was not happy to see Madison. It meant that she couldn't communicate with Spencer without getting the third degree. She wasn't going to get too upset about that. Ashley just reasoned she'd have to make sure she didn't get caught. "Why did you need me to be here so early, anyway?"

Madison waited for her friend to get out the car. "You know we have to start planning for the homecoming dance."

If Ashley had been paying attention, she would have noticed how pleased the other girl looked with herself. But she was too busy straining her ears to see if Spencer had replied to her yet. "Oh, yeah, right." She had forgotten all about that. "Can't you do this one dance without me? I've got a lot on my plate right now."

"What?" Madison stopped walking immediately. "Are you kidding me, Ashley? You know how much work goes into planning an event like homecoming. And when I need you, you're not going to flake out on me. That isn't going to happen."

Ashley was about to respond to Madison when her phone went off. When Sherry's arrival distracted Madison, Ashley quickly read Spencer's message.

_I'll tell you later_

Ashley was perplexed by Spencer's text. She had expected a witty response or teasing of some sort. Unfortunately the brunette didn't have time to write anything back except "okay" before she was swept up in Madison's bossy ways.

* * *

"Hey there, Romeo," Sean said gleefully when he sat down next to Spencer at lunch. He was having way too much fun at his friend's expense to stop making fun of her. "Have you been writing love poems to your secret love?"

"It's moments like these where I question our friendship," Spencer deadpanned. She had been putting up with Sean's quips all morning. It didn't help matters that she was kicking herself for chickening out earlier when she had asked Ashley about working on their assignment.

"OK, OK, I won't bug you anymore," Sean lied. Well, it wasn't so much a lie, more like a half-truth. He was going to ease up on his friend—for the time being. "Tell me all about your thrilling day so far."

Spencer kicked Sean, not too hard though, before she answered him. She would much rather have been doing something else, but that didn't appear like it was going to happen.

* * *

"Before do anything, we should figure out what the theme of the dance will be," Madison said to her two closest friends. She hadn't stopped talking about homecoming all morning. "Any ideas?"

Ashley was sick and tired of talking about this stupid dance. It was so low on her priority list. What was at the top of her list was finding out what Spencer had wanted to say to her earlier. The idea that she had missed something in the messages she'd been sent was make her fidgety. She wanted nothing more than to tell Madison to shut up so she could try and read the blonde's messages again and figure things out. Instead, she just responded by saying she didn't have any ideas.

"There is something going on with you, Ashley," Madison announced. She was ticked off that the other girl didn't seem to be falling in line with what she wanted. "Is everything OK with you and Aiden?"

At the sound of her boyfriend's name, Ashley felt a pit forming in her stomach. She hadn't actually given him a lot of thought recently. All her thoughts seemed to be reserved for a certain blonde girl. She didn't want to think about Aiden and the fact that she was cheating on him or what she was going to do about him. Ashley was not ready for that kind of decision. "We're fine."

Madison eyed Ashley suspiciously. "Well, whatever has got you acting weird, I really need it to stop."

"As long as you're happy," Ashley said sarcastically. "Can you please lay off me? I'm not in the mood."

"Excuse me?" Madison was not used to getting push back from anyone, let alone someone she was supposed to be close to. "I have to say I'm not a fan of your attitude lately."

There were so many things on the tip of Ashley's tongue. She had a lot of ways to respond that she would have liked. But ultimately she chose to disengage from what could be a heated conversation. As she normally did when she needed an escape, Ashley threw her headphones on. With music blaring in her ears, she alternated between wanting to contact Spencer and forcing herself not to think of Aiden.

Madison was fuming. She had a very narrow view on how things should be, and when that view was challenged, she did not react well. "Let's go," she said to Sherry, she was not going to be ignored to her face. That was Madison logic.

Ashley was happy to be left alone. However her relief at Madison leaving was short lived. She watched as Madison and Sherry made a beeline towards Spencer. The brunette was certain that Madison was going to take her anger out in a way that wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

"Want to do something this weekend?" Sean asked once he was done eating his lunch. "I mean, if you're busy social calendar can squeeze me in."

"I'll think about it," Spencer replied with a smile. "You never know, I could get a better offer."

"You could," Sean said sounding like he doubted the validity of the blonde's statement. "There's about as much chance of that happening as me starting for the Lakers tomorrow night."

Spencer's phone went off before she could think of something witty to say back to Sean. She started to smile when she saw that it was Ashley messaging her until she read what the brunette had written.

_RED ALERT! In coming Madison bomb_

She looked up and sure enough a very angry looking Madison was walking towards her. Unfortunately, Ashley's warning didn't arrive in time for her to make a quick get away. It wasn't that she was afraid of Madison—far from it—she just wasn't in the mood to deal with her. It didn't look like she had much choice in the matter, though.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" she asked Madison before the other girl could say anything to her.

"You're disgusting," Madison fired back, ignoring Spencer's question. "I can't believe I'm forced to go to school with you."

Spencer got to her feet, but she wasn't angry; she was laughing. "You rushed all the way over here to say that to me? I'm so flattered."

"Shut up!"

"Good one," Spencer gave Madison a thumb's up, infuriating her even further. "You call me pathetic all the time and yet you have nothing better to do than run over and call me names. Tell me, Mads, what do you think that says about you?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Madison yelled. "How dare you-"

"How dare I what?" Spencer cut in. "How dare I point out what a hypocrite you are?" The blonde was actually glad that Madison had stopped by, as she was enjoying herself immensely. "If I'm nothing, if I'm such a parasite on society, or whatever, why do you keep coming over to talk to me?"

For once in her life, Madison was actually speechless. She couldn't think of one comeback that was worthy as a response.

"You know, I think I have an idea of why that is," Spencer said with a big smirk. She noticed that people were starting to pay attention to what was going on with her and Madison. Not something she would normally be a fan of, but considering she had the upper hand, it was a development Spencer welcomed. "Are you in love with me?"

"Am I what?" Madison screeched, her nostrils flared in rage. "How could you say something so gross?"

Spencer moved her hands up and down her body. "I mean, I don't blame you or anything, but as I've told you countless times, you are _so_ not my type."

"Your homosexuality has made you delusional," Madison replied somewhat hysterically. She had also noticed the amount of people listening in on what Spencer was saying to her. "You're a freak and everyone knows it."

"A freak you can't stop obsessing over," Spencer pointed out. She started laughing, as did Sean and some other of her fellow students. "There's a saying that we hate what we are. So-"

"Stop that!" Madison ordered. "Stop that right now! You have no right-"

"It's OK, Mads," Spencer was doing her best to sound sympathetic. This was way more fun than simply getting in a screaming match with Madison. She wasn't sure why she hadn't thought of this before. "It's OK. I mean, you're gross and I would never, ever, ever touch you, but I'm sure you could find a girl who would."

"I'm not a lesbian!" Madison screamed at the top of her lungs.

The laughter of those around her got louder.

"Whatever you say, I'm sure we all believe you," Spencer said cheerfully. She had never seen Madison so angry. "Just in case though, I can get you some pamphlets on how to come out to people."

Madison was glaring at Spencer. "Go fuck yourself!"

And with that, she pulled Sherry with her and walked away.

"Every night!" Spencer called out much to her own amusement.

"That was amazing," Sean observed when Spencer was sitting back down. "But you know she's going to get back at you for making her look like a fool."

Spencer shrugged, she was in too much of a good mood to care. "Please, what is she going to do to me that she hasn't done already?"

"Famous last words," Sean said ominously.

"Whatever, I can handle Madison," Spencer told her friend with confidence. "I'll catch you later, OK? I need to take care of something."

She said goodbye to Sean and then she sent the text that she'd wanted to since the morning.

* * *

Ashley opened the door to the bathroom that she'd followed Spencer to the other day. She was pretty hopeful that she wasn't going to be yelled at again.

It was a good bet considering she'd been invited this time.

"Hey!" she exclaimed when she saw Spencer leaning against a nearby wall. Ashley had caught some of what had happened between the blonde and Madison, and wanted to make sure that all was OK. "I hope that-"

The rest of what she was going to say was instantly forgotten when Spencer kissed the hell out of her.

It would seem that everything was just fine.

* * *

For the first time since being paired up with Ashley, Spencer was actually looking forward to Home Ec. It was amazing how quickly her thoughts about Ms. Devereux choosing a partner for her to work with had changed.

She might even have to buy the teacher an end-of-year present if things kept going as well as they were going.

In her wildest dreams she had never imagined that she'd one day enjoy kissing Ashley as much as she did. Too be fair, she hadn't given all that much thought to kissing Ashley. She used the excuse of not liking Ashley as a way to prevent herself from doing that.

Spencer he was quickly finding the brunette addictive.

When she allowed herself to think about what that meant it only lead to bad things. Instead, she decided to focus on the sounds Ashley made when she had slipped her hand under Ashley's shirt.

That was much better than worrying about what the future held.

Ashley sprinted over to her desk. She was looking actually looking forward to sitting next to Spencer for the whole period. Even if she would much rather be doing something else with her. "Hey."

Spencer looked over and tried hard not to smile too much. "Hey."

"How was your afternoon?" Ashley asked. It was nice being able to talk to Spencer without having to worry that she was going to get in trouble.

"It was alright," Spencer replied casually. "I did get detention for being late to Mr. Gibson's class."

Ashley started blushing. "Sorry."

"I'm not," Spencer assured the brunette. "Was totally worth it."

"Hey, Ash," Aiden said once he was standing right by his girlfriend's desk. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Ashley was horrified by Aiden's presence. Why did he have to have the worst timing ever? "Uh, not really, but can we talk later?"

"I have a better idea, why don't we do something after school. It's been forever since I've seen you." Aiden gave Ashley his best puppy dog eyes.

Feeling sick to her stomach she answered. "Sure, that sounds great."

When Aiden was gone she glanced over at Spencer and her heart sank when she saw the look on the blonde's face.

What had she just done?

* * *

**Oh, Aiden.**

**Boo.**

**Hiss. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Thank you all for being so lovely and thank you for the well wishes for my dad. He got out of the hospital yesterday.**

**Hope you enjoy this update and I will try to post again soon.**

Chapter 12

"Fuck!" Spencer exclaimed as she struggled to open a new carton of orange juice that she'd bought on the way home from school. She had no patience to calmly figure out why it wasn't opening. That resulted in even more frustration from her when the carton ripped open and orange juice went everywhere. "Fuck!" she repeated before she kicked the fridge, because clearly it was the fridge's fault for everything.

As the blonde worked on cleaning up the giant mess in her kitchen she continued to ignore her phone, which wouldn't stop going off. Ashley had been trying to reach her since she'd made up some excuse about not feeling well in Home Ec. She'd asked Ms. Devereux to be excused and even though she skipped her last class as well, Spencer had stayed to get a ride from Sean.

He could immediately tell that something was wrong, but Spencer refused to talk about why she was in an awful mood. She had no desire to explain why she had gone from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows.

For someone who was used to shutting her emotions down and living on a pretty even keel, the last three days were finally starting to take a toll. All that anger that had seemingly disappeared since she first kissed Ashley was back.

And then some.

Spencer had spent the last few hours berating herself for being an idiot—for believing that life could actually not suck for a while. The blonde had let go of her cynical point of view and it had gotten her a good kick in the teeth.

It would have been hard for her to describe how gutted she felt when Ashley made plans with Aiden. She was given a stark reminder about the reality she was keen to avoid.

She had once again allowed Ashley still to wreak havoc in her life.

All because her hormones had gone berserk.

She was so mad at herself for allowing this to happen. There was a reason why Spencer did her best not to care about things. It prevented her from getting hurt.

And she was hurting now.

She literally felt a pain in her chest as she thought of what Aiden and Ashley were doing together. Ashley had probably forgotten all about her – again – as she did god knows what with her boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Ashley was straight.

And Aiden was her boyfriend.

That word made Spencer sick to her stomach.

When the floor was no longer sticky, Spencer decided to order a pizza for dinner. She could only guess what would happen if she attempted to cook while in the mood she was in.

Once she had done that, she decided to watch TV, hoping it would prove to be a much needed distraction. But the blonde was too upset to concentrate on anything. She'd watch a show for a minute or two before changing the channel.

It was pointless.

Spencer couldn't think of anything other than Ashley.

Thankfully the doorbell rang before she could get too swept up in her feelings. Spencer got some money from what her dad had left her and then she went to open the door.

There wasn't a pizza delivery guy on the other side of the door though. Instead, an anxious-looking brunette stood before her with a pizza in her hand.

"I paid the driver," Ashley explained when she saw the confused look on Spencer's face. The confusion quickly turned to anger and before she knew it, she was getting a door slammed in her face. "Spencer, wait!"

"Go to hell," Spencer replied no longer hungry. The nerve that Ashley had showing up to her house! After what she had done!

Facing Spencer was not easy for Ashley. But she had to do this. It wasn't fair otherwise, and she'd already screwed up enough with the blonde. She owed her an apology and an explanation. The problem was, Spencer wasn't going to make it easy for her to do either of those things.

Luckily, Ashley had pretty good reflexes, so she was able to stop the door before it closed. The pain in her foot from doing that would hopefully go away.

"Get out," Spencer ordered when she saw Ashley close the door behind her.

Ashley gulped. "No."

"Now," Spencer said. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to get this upset. She hated feeling this way. "I have nothing to say to you."

Ashley placed the pizza box on the floor, but she wasn't going anywhere. "Well, I have something to say to you and you're-"

"What are you going to tell me?" Spencer asked rhetorically. Her whole body was tense. "How much fun you had with your _boyfriend_ today?"

"I'm sorry about earlier," Ashley said sincerely. She was trying her best to stay calm so things didn't spiral out of control. "If you just give me a chance to-"

"A chance?" Spencer's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "You think you deserve a chance with me?"

Ashley sighed. "Please, I know how much I've hurt you-"

Spencer was not interested in letting the brunette explain anything to her. Why should she? There was enough evidence in her past to prove that Ashley wasn't trustworthy. And Spencer hated that she had allowed herself to forget all about that. "Do you, Ashley? Do you really have any idea what my life has been like since you decided I was no longer good enough to be your friend?"

"No, I don't," Ashley admitted.

"That's right, you don't. Not one bit." Spencer was on a roll and she wasn't going to stop until she said everything she'd been holding back. "You were my best friend. My best friend! And when I told you that I thought I liked girls it was like a switch turned off for you. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to tell you? How scared I was?"

Ashley shook her head, but didn't say anything.

"Losing you was awful," Spencer continued. "I trusted you with my biggest secret and that seemed to mean nothing to you. Then I lost Clay, my whole family imploded and I had nobody."

"I'm so sorry," Ashley said as she started to cry. She had run from what she had done and now it was all catching up to her. Whatever reason she had for running from her feelings, Ashley knew Spencer didn't deserve anything that happened to her as a result of that.

"I don't want your apology and I don't want your tears," Spencer told the blonde, her voice was devoid of any emotion. Her eyes though, her eyes gave away exactly what she was feeling. "I just want you to go. I can't believe I let you hurt me again, but I've learned my lesson. Whatever this was between us, it stops immediately."

Ashley's heart deflated. She had thought that she couldn't possibly hate herself more, but hearing Spencer's words had disproved that theory. What she had done was unforgivable and she didn't blame her former friend for thinking the worst of her. She had earned that reputation. "OK," Ashley choked out; she wasn't going to push Spencer, but she did have one thing she had to tell her. It wasn't going to matter much anymore, but she had to get it out. "I broke up with Aiden today, that's what I came by to tell you. And even though it makes no difference now, I need you to know that."

With that, Ashley left, closing the door softly behind her.

Spencer stood there for a few minutes after Ashley had gone without moving. She was in shock. There were a lot of things that Spencer had thought the brunette was going to say to her: a lame apology, perhaps, about having to go with Aiden; or maybe an assurance that it would never happen again; or maybe a plea for more time to figure out what she wanted. But she definitely didn't expect her to announce that she had broken up with him.

Ashley had broken up with Aiden.

Spencer kept repeating those words but they still weren't sinking in.

She had jumped all over Ashley, bringing up everything that had happened in the past, because she had been scared. It's not that she didn't have the right to tell the other girl how she had been hurt. Ashley absolutely needed to hear that. Those wounds that she had caused were not healed by any stretch of the imagination.

What had fueled Spencer going off on the brunette was the fear that Ashley was not going to choose her. She hadn't chosen her before, so why was now different? The possibility that she would face that kind of rejection for a second time had been too much for Spencer. She had assumed the worst and been completely wrong.

Sure, there was the chance that Ashley breaking up with Aiden wasn't really about her. But that possibility didn't seem plausible to the blonde, even with her nagging self-doubt.

The evidence seemed to be there to support Spencer's conclusion. Ashley had come over, clearly wanting to talk. She had begged the blonde to hear her out. The way in which she had announced her break up wasn't done to prove a point.

Even with her justification for telling the brunette how she had been hurt, Spencer still felt awful. The truth was if she didn't want something more with Ashley she wouldn't have reacted the way she did. That much was obvious. There was no denying how strong the physical attraction Spencer had for Ashley was. And as much as she had enjoyed that aspect of the last three days, it was actually being with Ashley that she craved the most.

You don't spend years being someone's best friend without missing that person with all your heart. Spencer rarely allowed herself to admit how much she missed Ashley. It was too painful. Instead, she threw around words like hate to make it seem like not having the brunette in her life was no big deal.

It really was the biggest deal.

That wasn't to say she didn't love Sean with all her heart because Spencer really did. But what she had with him friendship-wise couldn't really compare to the closeness she had experienced with Ashley. The blonde hadn't realized just how much she had been missing it until the last few days.

Now it would seem she was the one faced with a decision.

She had told Ashley to leave her alone, and it seemed like those wishes would be obeyed. But did Spencer really want that?

When she dropped her defenses—the ones she'd built around her heart to protect her—the answer to what she wanted was clear.

Spencer knew what she had to do.

She had to find a way to get to Ashley.

And there really was only one option at present for that to happen. Although it had been a few years since she had ridden it, there was a bike in the garage that would get her where she wanted to go. It wasn't the ideal solution to her transportation issues, but it would have to do.

On the ride over to Ashley's she had a lot of time to think things over. There were still some doubts in her mind that she was making the wrong choice. But they weren't strong enough for Spencer to change her mind. She had to see this through, whatever happened.

What Spencer hadn't counted on was how out of shape she was in. The half hour it used to take her to get to Ashley's was now closer to forty-five minutes. What had once felt like no effort to get to the brunette's house was now causing Spencer to pant and sweat way more than she would have liked.

When the blonde finally arrived at the house she knew so well, she was a mess—both emotionally and physically. Any thoughts of changing her mind were gone when she saw Ashley's car in the driveway. She had not made the journey over to walk away now.

Spencer rang on the doorbell, still short of breath but more determined than she could remember feeling. When the maid answered the door, she wasn't sure whether she was happy for the temporary reprieve or disappointed it wasn't Ashley.

"I'll, uh, I'll show myself up," Spencer breathed out. She could only imagine how red her face was. She was sweating so much her shirt was sticking to her back. When the maid started to protest, Spencer assured her it was fine and then took off for Ashley's room before she could be stopped. If she was given too much time to contemplate things, the blonde was sure she would turn around and leave.

Spencer stood outside Ashley's door for a few seconds trying to compose herself. She did her best to catch her breath and calm down. It was easier said than done. There was no way to know for certain what she would find on the other side of the door. Even though in her gut she knew Ashley wanted the same things that she did, there was still the chance of rejection.

And no matter how small that chance was, it was still terrifying.

Before she could talk herself out of doing what she came to do, Spencer knocked on Ashley's door. She felt butterflies forming in her stomach almost instantly. When the brunette didn't emerge after a minute or so, Spencer knocked again.

Unfortunately she was met once more with silence.

Although not one to usually invade someone's privacy, Spencer made the decision that this was a one-time exception.

She slowly turned the knob, with a shaking hand. When the door was still ajar, she peaked inside to find Ashley lying on the bed, eyes closed, with her all too familiar ear buds in.

Spencer felt immediate relief that Ashley was actually inside. Just seeing her was enough to calm her down a bit. Although her throat was dry and it was difficult to force a word out, she called out Ashley's name hoping that it was loud enough for the other girl to hear.

Ashley's eyes flew open. She sat up right away and looked at Spencer with an expression that was equal parts confused and shocked. She pulled the ear buds out of her ears, her heart pounding. "Spencer?"

"The one and only," Spencer wheezed out. She wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline wearing off that was causing her to have trouble breathing, or just a culmination of her emotions being all over the place. "Shit," she said as she tried to catch her breath.

Ashley watched in horror as Spencer started to sway. Putting aside the many questions that she had for the blonde, she got up and helped her over to the bed. "Are you OK?"

Instead of talking because it wasn't a possibility right then, Spencer nodded her head. She could see how worried Ashley was about her. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Or it could be the fact that the brunette was touching her. How she could ever give think of giving this feeling up was ludicrous, Spencer thought to herself. "Water," she croaked out.

Ashley sprinted over to her school bag, grabbed the spare bottle of water that she kept there and was back at Spencer's side in no time. She wanted more than anything to rub the blonde's back or do something to help calm her down. But Ashley held back. She wasn't sure what Spencer was doing there and she didn't want to cross any lines that she didn't have the right to cross.

Walking away from Spencer had been hard for Ashley. Although she had done it once before, this time was very different. She was still scared about things, that much hadn't changed, but she was hoping that she could over come that. Her first step had been to fix a mistake that had been a long time coming.

Breaking up with Aiden had been a surprisingly easy decision to make.

When he had gotten in her car after school, Ashley looked at him and realized how wrong everything was. She was with Aiden for appearances only. Deep down the brunette had always known that. It wasn't that things with Aiden were awful, but when he touched her or kissed her, there was no spark there.

Nothing.

It wasn't like touching or kissing Spencer. That was electrifying.

She couldn't be with him anymore when it felt so wrong. It wasn't fair to either of them. Mostly, Ashley felt it wasn't fair to Spencer. When she had seen how affected the blonde had been by what happened in Home Ec, she knew that couldn't happen again.

Aiden had taken the news pretty well. She explained that things had changed between them and she hoped that they could still be friends. When Aiden left without asking for another chance or for her to change her mind, the brunette had the feeling he wasn't too upset about the news she'd given him. When she didn't feel sad or upset once he was gone, she was absolutely sure she'd made the right decision.

Ashley reasoned that should have felt something after ending a nearly two-year relationship, but she didn't. All she felt was the ever-present need to get to Spencer. Aiden felt like an afterthought – a pretty accurate description to what he had always been in her life.

When Spencer had unleashed her feelings at her, Ashley had felt all her hopes and desires for what could be, disappear. As much as she was finally willing to face what she'd run from before, she hadn't taken the blonde's feelings into consideration. Her cowardice had hurt the other girl in a way that Ashley was sure she would never fully understand.

How arrogant had she been to assume that a second chance was something that Spencer even wanted? She wasn't giving up on things when she obeyed Spencer's wishes; it was more about respecting that even if she was ready to face her past, the blonde wasn't.

And she might not ever be ready.

The problem with that theory was the very real Spencer sitting beside her now. Ashley didn't want to get her hopes up, but that was proving practically impossible. But she wouldn't make assumptions, that was a mistake she wouldn't repeat.

"Do you need more water?" Ashley asked when the blonde had finished the bottle.

Spencer shook her head. "No, I'm good." Well, that was mostly true. "Sorry about that. I'm apparently in awful shape."

"Uh, OK." Ashley was confused.

"I'm not sorry for what I said to you before," Spencer started awkwardly. She wasn't in the mood for small talk. "But," Ashley's eyes widened, she held her breath for what the blonde was going to say next, "I don't want to be done with you either."

"Really?" Ashley asked, not believing what she had heard.

Spencer was fidgeting with her fingers as she locked eyes with the brunette. "I'm not sure what this is or where we go from here," she paused to get rid of the lump in her throat, "I just know I'm not ready for you to be gone from my life again."

"I'm not ready for that either," Ashley admitted without hesitation. There was so much more she wanted to get off her chest, but she was going to let Spencer drive where things went.

"There's no way I can ride my bike back to my house," Spencer said as her hand went over the brunette's. "Not if I want to be able to move tomorrow," she added making Ashley chuckle. "I have a pizza that's probably cold still on the floor of my entrance way, and if you would be kind as to give me a ride home, maybe you can share it with me and we can talk."

Ashley couldn't contain her smile. She had gone from thinking that she had screwed everything up to thinking that there was hope after all. "That's the best offer I've had in a very long time." She pulled the blonde to her feet and was happy beyond words when her smile was returned. "You think you can make it to the door or do you need me to carry you?"

"Very funny," Spencer replied sarcastically but the smile remained on her face.

She followed Ashley out the door trying hard not to think about how things would go when they got back to her house.


End file.
